blog/enigma

Monday, March 31, 2008

7:57 PM

I think I'm a naturally paranoid person.

Every first days of any event big or small (new school, new term, camps, you name it you got it) I can't sleep. I'll walk around in ages, wondering what would happen. Then there's the over-analysis thing I do to conversations. I used to scrutinize every word and suspect whether there's any trace of hypocrisy in it. Then I'll start getting panic attacks and think to myself, "Is the jerk they're talking about me?"

Luckily I'm not that bad now, after seeing my hypothetical therapist. But I think my paranoia has got something to do with my company.

After my seriously weird blogpost yesterday, qfnnn suggested something:

jiasheng: something really funny happened today
jiasheng: and i'm blogging about it
qifannn: ic.
qifannn: hmmm? okayy
jiasheng: done
qifannn: okies :)

(He goes to read.)

qifannn: omgg
jiasheng: yes omggg
qifannn: well is he alone? shldn't it be a grp thingg
qifannn: and maybe he's like a masochist and derives sexual pleasure frm that
jiasheng: i just puked.
jiasheng: right.
qifannn: xD
qifannn: or that he can admire you by doing that..
qifannn: or smth
jiasheng: omg can you NOT give me alternatives and possibilities?

Then Rebecca commented:

Rebecca: aye, i din get to go to the arcade this weekend. x(
jiasheng: i'm glad if i can survive the weekend
jiasheng: without poly people to get me to step on them
Rebecca: oh cmon, its like veh veh rare larr.
Rebecca: but you know, posting unglam stuff that happened to you on your blog is like. o.o
Rebecca: ohkay not unglam. weird.
jiasheng: but it's TRUE.
jiasheng: now i have my friends giving me strange emoticons on msn and asking, "are you sure you didn't have sex with him?"
jiasheng: i'm so sad.
Rebecca: i guess you just wanted to like help him. but then again, maybe it's a pre-april-fools joke,
Rebecca: (oh bahh i shudnt make it worst.)
jiasheng: omg
jiasheng:OMG
jiasheng: maybe that's what it is.
jiasheng: and my video is going to be all over the internet
jiasheng: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Rebecca: o.o
Rebecca: think simple. orientation camp task.
jiasheng: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
jiasheng: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Now I'm really really worried (though it's so unlikely and impossible) that my innocent bits are now circulated throughout the world and I'll be more famous than Edison Chen. People will recognize me by my crotch instead of my face. Oh my God KILL ME NOW!

Yeah then after school today I went to settle some uniform stuff. Went to collect the DM uniform for Edwin (who totally pissed me off in the morning, but never mind). I sauntered into the band hall with the key, because no one was there, and without switching on the main hall lights I shut myself in the little uniforms room.

Then I couldn't find the DM sash.

I started panicking, because I really can't recall whether Liu Zhen had returned it or not. I have a faint memory that he did, but my memory is so untrustworthy that I've abandoned all hope for it.

HOW?! L. Siao wants to see Edwin in it tomorrow!!!

AHHHHHH!

I practically SCREAMED in the uniforms room, which is one of the unpadded room in the band hall (which means if anyone is outside the main hall, my scream would be very very audible.)

Defeated and hoarse, I went out the room. The lights were on. I blinked.

THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE.

Apparently it was some JC percussionist. And she must have heard everything (from my inane shoutings to wild ululations).

I approached her, with the keys in hand.

"Erm, you're here for sectionals right? Yeah can you pass this to Da Xian. He's the SL right. Ya please get him to drop it off after you people use this room okay? Thanks a lot bye bye!"

Then I scooted off.

***
(Sms)

jiasheng: DIE. I can't find the dm sash! Can't rmb whether lz returned.
qifannn: Ask him. I thought it's in de uic cupboard on de dm uniform
jiasheng: Can't find it leh. You got see ar.
qifannn: Yeah I think so. Hmmm. Maybe g** stole it.
jiasheng: omg no.

**names have be omitted to protect social pariahs.

Now I have to brace myself for my imagination running wild, like someone using the sash as a napkin/ a frottage accessory/ a strangling rope/ toilet paper.

***

After Jap today Yi Ling san pulled me aside and asked, with a straight face, "Eh, you not going to disappear for another 2 months right? During our presentation project."

Sigh.

It reminds of something. Which happens tomorrow.

To: Jiexuan, Huiyao, Ryan

I've not really addressed this, except for the stupid immature flames I posted soon after that. Yeah, I find it childish of me.

I've been trying put down this issue for ages, hoping time will bury it, or our revived friendliness will mask the unhappiness.

I really think that it is unnecessary to discuss anymore, and even as I type this I fear that old feelings will be stirred, and any amount of friendship won't heal old scars.

And honestly, I don't believe that making a clean conclusion, after so much time has elapsed, would make any things better.

This is maybe just to say something that I've been slowly realizing as then till now.

I need to say that I really treasure what we have now: the ability to talk and laugh together, joke about each other, and I really can't express my joy when I heard Huiyao pass a comment on one occasion: "It's not fun without Jiasheng around."

Yeah. I remember all these things, because I realize it's not easy. It's not easy having people to talk to every morning, instead of pretending not to see each other and turning deliberate big rounds to avoid each other. It's not easy to be able to start talking to each other again, after a infinitely long period of silence. It's not easy being friends. I hope I can call you people that, because that's how I view you guys.

A lot of things have happened since. Many of those things taught me that I was in the wrong for the most part during our collaboration last year. I was childish. I was immature. I was uncommunicative. I was AP. No excuses about it. And as much as I would like to explain myself, there are too many things that I feel are just excuses I made for myself. So it's definitely easier to admit faults. Have I learnt from those faults? I'll leave you people to judge.

But I'll like to say: Thanks. For giving me a second chance, even when I look back, I see myself as a horrible person with severe flaws. Maybe this is a little heavy for you, a little apology/conclusion of what happened nearly a year ago. But just pardon me, okay? It's what I need to get off my chest.

You people have been more than tolerant of me. You've accepted me again, despite how I had rejected you people. This goes to all the great people whom I've offended but allowed me to grow up. I'm really, so glad, for you guys.

All the best for your projects.

Happy Pday anniversary.

signed, jiasheng

10:10 PM

Weird, weird, weird, WEIRD day.

As usual, lie in on Sunday mornings, after a very unpleasant MSN experience. Woke up and saw Weiqi's sms (or technically, Edwin. Or even more technically, from Leng) :

philwinds will be performing today (sun) at vivocity 1-2pm, level 1 atrium. Ask others to come too. Fantillusion, beauty n beast, galaxy 999, grease, coral sea
msg frm mr leng

Actually I was supposed to go to the library with Tze Han and Aik Hwee, since Aik Hwee invited me last week, so I was thinking that I should go to the Philwinds thing first then head for the library.

I reached Vivo at 1.10.

And NO ONE WAS THERE. As in, no Hwachong people. The actual location was packed though. Hundreds of people sitting on the white chairs, with Philwinds packed into a tiny stage. It wasn't even half the Philwinds. Later, Mr Leng said that three quarters of Philwinds had another concert (Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra) and some people have commitments on Sundays.

I looked wildly around. Then I gave up and just stood there, with my bulky books and bag. I was holding 4 books in one hand (Add Maths, 2 Jap textbooks, 1 Jap listening). The music was as usual Philwinds standard, but all poppish and suitable for y'know, event playing.

After every song I looked around. In the end the only person I found was Uncle Nicholas (Ng) from HCJC. Apparently he was also sorely disappointed by the turnout (of the attendance of HCIB people). He was expecting the whole band to be there.

After the performance we talked to Mr. Leng and we went around Vivo (because it's Leng's first time there *gasps*) and Leng treated us to Ben's and Jerry's (which is Nicholas' and my first time xP) Then Leng dropped us off at Bugis.

Yeah it's all very fun.

Oh it's Mr. Lim's birthday tomorrow (31/3). Please niao him about his age (39).

So when I reached National Library it's already like 5 something. And I haven't studied a single thing.

I went to the nearest level with decent seats. I opened my bag. And guess what?

I didn't bring my pencil case.

...

So I went home. I was on my way home, walking around the HDB flats in TP, and suddenly this dude walked up to me and asked for help.

"Hello, can you help me?"

Because he was visibly sweating and all, so I thought that someone jumped off a building and survived and needs medical attention or something, so I was like, "What? What happened?"

Luckily (or unluckily, as you would see later), he told me he was from Temasek Poly and apparently they're still having their orientation. And one of the tasks was to approach a youth in TP (so strange to call myself a youth) and do a task.

So I asked, "What?"

And he said, "You have to stand on me. I'll lie down and you have to step on my chest and move slowly down to my knee and back up. And you have to take a video doing it,"

WHAT.

And you know what's the most ridiculous thing? I AGREED.

Orientations are so absurdly stupid.

So we went up to Block 63 at some stairwell, where he lain down on the floor and I stomped on him. I swore I heard his ribs crack.

It was so funnily stupid. We were like two teenagers in a stairwell, doing some illicit stuff. Every time we heard footsteps, then I'll jump off whichever part of him and try again.

So, so embarrassing.

After that extremely torturous session (for me, since I seem to wince more than him when I move), he said, "I really don't want to ask this, but there's this bonus thing,"

I'm supposed to step on his FACE AND DO STUPID STUFF.

(Now as I blog this, it sounds really dumb, but at that time I was just in a daze and said yes to everything.)

After THAT, which took about 15 minutes, we were both visibly embarrassed and then he was like, "Erm, one final thing."

That point of time I screamed silently, "NONONONONONONONONONONO."

But I said, "Please tell me it's the last last thing."

The last task was to step on him for 5 MINUTES.

Ouch ouch ouch.

When I was done it was 8 plus. When I was about to go home it was 7.

What a crazy (understatement) day.

***

After that I went to buy stationery. My mum only gave me 35 bucks and her Popular card.

HELLO, how on earth do I survive with that in Popular?!

I spent 40 bucks.

And yes, I finally got my binder notebook. It is my new looooove.

signed, jiasheng

8:30 PM

Oh today was a mundane day, with outdoors, and L. Siao gave us early release (I wonder why) and then went for lunch with Gideon (I wonder why), then he tagged along when I went to buy feathers (I wonder why) and I dragged myself home to find my house empty and I didn't bring my keys (I wonder why) and today was pretty much a wonderful day.

So yeah, this is how my day ends.

I FOUND MY FILE YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAHHHHHHH!

I can do EVERYTHING.

I can drink booze.

I can have sex.

I can seduce anyone I want.

I can drink potatoes through a straw.

I can fly.

I can play a clarinet, a horn, a harp, a set of timpani, a euphonium, an entire string ensemble SIMULTANEOUSLY.

...but most importantly, I can hand in my homework.

signed, jiasheng

8:01 PM

Today is a sad day. Everyone is sad.

I woke up late (because I slept at 2 studying Jap) and yelled at the cat stalking outside my door. It always does that, waiting for my brother to feed it, but I swear that if I wasn't the nice guy I think I am, I would have totally stomped the cat flat and tied it to the middle of the elevator door to let it be squished repeatedly.

Then I met Edwin on the bus, who wasn't bad to me (he dozed off after me and I resisted poking him awake) but I still sulked.

The band people were nice to me and at least listened to me crap.

Chinese was stupid because I STILL CAN'T FIND MY FILE AND ALL MY HOMEWORK IS INSIDE. LeeWC wanted the worksheet in today, but I am just too irritated to photocopy and redo. So I'm just waiting for her to scold me.

Then it was Lit. Usually my favourite subject, today it was just sucked. LohWL spent half the lesson scolding people who didn't do their reflections. Then she hailed at us for a while, obviously very disappointed and hurt and angry, then stormed out.

During Physics Lab lesson Yap Shinn was noticeable sad. He didn't even smile once. When I thanked him for helping me with the apparatus, he just zonked out and said, "What?" I repeated my thanks for 3 times before he got it. Then he was like, "Welcome," blankly, and walked off.

Even the green plate canteen auntie is sad. She looks depressed while she scooped up my potatoes. She didn't even hear my cheerful "Thank you auntie!"

The RI girl I met on 156 was teary-eyed like someone dumped her but it's probably an eye infection.

You know what? I think I desperately try to brighten people's day up, but it doesn't work this way. Just hope they cheer up soon.

***

Yes I am officially pissed about my file. If it's not going to appear soon I'll use every blog link I can get and tag on everyone's blog, "HAVE YOU SEEN MY FILE?! HUH?! HUH?!"

***

I need to confess. I'm sorry to everyone I'm disappointing.

Today, for the first time in weeks, or precisely 5 and a half weeks, or 11 lessons, or 22 hours, or 3 chapters, 1 CA and 1 composition, I went for 3rd Lang. Yes. I ponned for that long.

For no apparent reason.

It was easy to say that I need to skip because it was test week, then sabbactical week because I deserve a break, then blahblahblah.

It's my fault. I let myself slip.

The last time I ponned for that long, it was for some urgent matters. But now it's nowhere near anything urgent. It's my fault.

I thought I could catch up, because I eventually did, for the last time. I thought they would only cover 2 chapters. But no. Now I've missed everything.

It's my fault.

Sensei was dramatically, but reasonably shocked to see me.

"Jyasen san?!" She actually gave an audible gasp, like I was back from the dead.

But now I am determined. I don't care how busy I'm going to be, I'm gonna catch up. Mark my words.

***

Now I know how people I tease feel.

I know how horrible it feels to be toyed with.

Like you're a puppet held by strings which you don't control.

I don't like this game.

signed, jiasheng

9:52 PM

eat apples says (8:34 PM):
hmm? emoing, are we?

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:35 PM):
yeah.

eat apples says (8:36 PM):
i wun prod u for who it is, but i will ask u why.

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:37 PM):
because almost all my life is devoted in that "who"

eat apples says (8:38 PM):
all your life on one person... thats quite risky, putting all ur eggs in one basket

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:38 PM):
yeah
i learnt my lesson
but i'm still devastated.
trying to pick up the pieces and get on with my life
but i can't even go to school tomorrow.

eat apples says (8:39 PM):
u can't?

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:39 PM):
yeah. i'm lost.

eat apples says (8:40 PM):
if i know u enough, u shld be able to get on with life in a few days

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:40 PM):
i don't know.
it'll be hard recovering all my stuff.

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:41 PM):
the teachers will kill me
i don't even know my schedule anymore.
STUPID FILE. WHY DID YOU GO MISSING.

eat apples says (8:42 PM):
if u aren't organised, then all of us will be pure chaos

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:43 PM):
sigh. i can sing a sonnet about my missing file.
"with you, i know why they say absence make the heart grow fonder"
"yet my heart is cracking into pieces."
"why did you leave me?"

jiasheng coruscation//why did you leave me? says (8:44 PM):
"i trusted you to be by my side"
"telling me the new term 2 schedule"
"providing me with all my papers"
um, anyway, gotcha.

eat apples says (8:44 PM):
wow. jiasheng the romantic poet.

eat apples says (8:45 PM):
i just KNEW there was sth wrong

***

I did the 'Jiasheng is emo because he lost his file HAHAHA GOTCHA!' thing to qifann and zhengyu too.

Just to warn chickenintoaster, do not make fun of teezhuo's msn nick, though I would admit it's rather dumb.

signed, jiasheng

6:20 PM

I AM DEAD TIRED.

Tuesday ended with me reaching home at 10 plus after holding the beret workshop. I was thinking to myself how great it is to have Wednesday free (the Principal declared it a holiday because the seniors scored um predictable results) and to sleep in.

So after I reached home I stuffed down dinner (yeah I haven't ate) and took out contacts and slept.

The next morning my mum was waking me up at 5 plus (I wake up at 5) and telling me to wake up. I was mumbling something in my sleep then my mum was like asking non-sarcastically 'today no school for you ar' because she always say that. If it was a normal day and I didn't want to wake up she would ask the same thing and let me go back to sleep and I would miss school.

So I nodded incoherently and went back to sleep, until some undefined time. I woke up and wasn't sure. I stumbled out to the living room to check. 7.40. Yawn. I dragged myself to the kitchen and got something to drink. Why am I up so early? I was chewing some breakfast when it hit me.

SECTIONALS START AT 8.

Weiqi smsed me yesterday but I totally FORGOT to set my alarms and all.

So I smsed him that I'll be late and rushed to school and reached at 8.30.

Sectionals till 12 something (I think).

Taught Walter and Wang Zhi how to make a beret (which reminds me about something.)

Went for lunch with Rick, Liang Jun and Edwin. Edwin, being the crazy DM he is, made us march (okay la, we are also siao) to Coro with the SYF repertoire.

Craaazy day. Then Percs had sectionals. So I left and went home. To catch up on my sleep. Woke up at like 6 plus.

Yawn.

Okay. Time to do stuff.

signed, jiasheng

4:11 AM

(Note: Again, this is a 'yesterday means today' post, so, yeah.)

So yesterday was the day I got sent out of class for not doing maths work.

Along with more than half the class, that is.

Anyway, the main highlight was going to Beach Road with qfnn and Jiehan to get uniform stuff. 6th week ><

Jh really changed a lot.

Uhm. I can't think of anything else to say, and I have to finish that maths homework, or else I'll be sent out again.

Bye.

signed, jiasheng

8:43 PM

Usually I hate Bishan library because you can get to see all the blatant things the Raffles couples are doing to each other, but today proved to be a rewarding session there because I finished Physics and Chem in two hours.

And unlike TP library, I don't have to hunt for some secluded spot to scribble my answers without some uncle looking over them. I was lounging on some sofa seat. It was comfortable. And I could go down to the cafe to get ice cream brownie (ooh!) anytime. Just that no one was there for company =(

Oh. There were some random HCJC guys sitting behind me.

So now I'm home with half my homework done. Rebecca told me there was Jurassic Park on, but I realized I was not paying to the TV (I have a mini TV in the computer room) but was reading blogs. So. Yeah.

I heard some depressing news yesterday. I don't know how true it is, and I'm in no position to ask, but sometimes I wish I don't have to grow up. When relationships become more important, things are compromised. Then I feel selfish because everyone deserves to love and be loved, and no one can stop them, really. I should feel happy for my seniors, right?

Oh yeah sorry to qfnn for being a little daoish.

Um, I didn't know saxas had an outing! It's not a bad idea, but maybe it should be after SYF.

Okay.

Nothing to say.

*Poof*

signed, jiasheng

11:22 AM

There is peace but it is a thing rarely known in this world of worries and sorrows and not to be confused with the absence of war, which is a very different thing. Peace comes from within man, a philosophical bent, a spiritual power which all too few men can know. The absence of war is a waiting, a time between storms. It may be because one side is afraid of another but usually it is because both are unsure of victory, because there is a balance or near balance of power. Let it be said, therefore, that our nations will probably never know peace in our time, true peace, but that the absence of war is possible and can be achieved by strategy, readiness and fortitude. By effort. More, let it be said that the absence of war is satisfactory for most of men's endeavours: to have his job, family, religion. the pillar of that kind of "peace" which is the absence of war is a preparedness to go to war, to defend and attack well enough so that one's possible enemies can never attack with certainty of victory, with impunity. (Stand Alone, pg237-238)

What troubled me was the sense of isolation. The isolation between what I did and what it was meant to be for, between what I did and what it was meant to be for, between what some rules said and what was done, between the camp and the real world, between - when I was a cadet, the officer and me, between me and the other cadets who were either bad at the game which training had become, or were good and didn't care to see it was all a game, and - when I was an officer, between me and the riflemen I led. I mean I did well. I got a sword, just like Mike had three years ahead of me. I did my father proud, as my mother kept saying. That wasn't the problem. It was the isolation. (Stand Alone, pg239)

Beyond that board game, we enjoyed peace or, as I learnt later, "the absence of war", which was enough for life to go on. (Stand Alone, pg241)

I must have know it all along. I just didn't think about it: life was just going along and if we didn't have peace or happiness, there was no war or sadness.
Isolation. Silence. The willingness and ability to stand on my own. To stand alone. This is how I'll describe it for now, until I learn better, when I think about it more. (Stand Alone, pg243-244)

How true.

signed, jiasheng

9:24 PM

Thanks a lot, world.

Things in my life today:

Taxi, Cake, Feathers, Beret, Workshop, Unproductivity, Fun, Seniors, Conversations.

//Edit: No, I can't possibly leave such an insubstantial post!

Okay in the morning I left the house for Bugis, when I was supposed to be at band prac. Bought feathers various sewing stuff and ran around like a chic male diva (what? The English language is so incredibly sexist that you can't convert female nouns to male ones, but you can vice versa.) in my jeans and BLAZING hci T-shirt, looking for a cake. Thanks to Edwin who wants one for Jason's birthday, which is actually on Monday but blahblablah.

Then I hailed a taxi and went to band prac. Changed into shorts and dumped the cake and the rest of the stuff at the band room.

Which was quite dumb, because I freaked out at the Jon Lee's presence. WHAT IS HE DOING HERE. But it went okay and we sang the birthday song (which L. Siao pointed out that it starts on the pickup note) and woohoo it ended and a bunch of us went for lunch and then I conducted a bad workshop which EVERYTHING went wrong but never mind I'm past and over that and we went to watch the bands which booked the school field and I had a fun time talking GOSSIP with the seniors and later my dad called me and ZOMG he's actually transporting the display band so I um sullenly sat in the bus and the percussionists all bunched together talking crap and then my dad brought me to Bugis AGAIN and gave the auntie the sample of the lanyard I need her to make then I went home and ate dinner and SLEPT.

Okay.

Okay.

L. Siao: Why you never go get the stuff during the holidays? Should get during the holidays right.
Me: Very cruel 'no.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that yes, my dad drives people around. SEE?! I told you I was poor. POOR.

And he is prone to monologues. He'll tell me what I ought to do (his favourite topic now is currently 'Jiasheng should get a scholarship because...') and I just nod and remain silent and pray he runs out of things to say, which never happens.

Then we were driving past ~~Gheyland~~ Geyland and he was like, "Look at the prostitutes! Next time when you're 18 I'll bring you around."

WHAT.

Okay I should really be doing homework now so I should ask someone I know out to somewhere (like Woodlands library) and STUDY STUDY.

BOOM. I'm off.

signed, jiasheng

10:07 AM

This might be the greatest mistake of my life.

I might regret it till I die, and beyond.

My mother might disown me.

BUT I STILL WILL BLOG ABOUT GIDEON.

You see, after sleeping a long long time yesterday, I finally realized my true destiny in life.

It is to conform to the ideals of our HOLY DIVINE GODLY GID.

Because you see, He is our Saviour from the Dreary Depths of the Horrible Band.

Oh my Gid, it's just all so wonderful!

If we elect him as DM, then we will be redeemed from our sins.

We will no longer have blasphemous less-than-90-degree leg angles.
We will no longer be slacky (gasp!) and have wasteful breaks after CIP (gaspx2!)
We will march EXACTLY together (praise our Gid!), in the following fashion:

Kiri, (scratch), Kiri, (scratch), Kiri Kanan Kiri (scratch)!

Who cares about democracy, when you can get to scratch half the time you march? You know our Gid is the best leader you're ever going to have, so what are you waiting for? Vote for Him now!

Besides, He will tell you exactly what to do! Our Gid is already disseminating instructions to the current leaders what to do! They don't listen, but there will always be infidels. Don't worry! Our Gid, with His Magical Scratching Staff will perform His miracles!

***

That was the best I could offer.

But might teach him a lesson. Along with the others' post. It's sweet revenge.

Had a great day out at MS with the people yesterday, talking about um. Teenager stuff.

Anyway.

I have got 400 bucks worth of stuff to buy for the band, so whoopie. And homework. and homework.

Ciao-.

***

I still can't shake the idea that JX is emo because of me. It's really ego of me to think that, but I think it's my fault. Isn't it?

signed, jiasheng

3:54 AM

Since Term 2 started I've been leading a horrible schedule. I'll reach home at around 7, eat, read, then sleep. Till unearthly hours like 3 or 4 in the morning. Then I'll read blogs and blog and do NOTHING ELSE. Then I get guilty for my procrastinating because there's so much I need to do yet I'm just lazing around at this start of term.

Not a good way to start a term.

Anyway, so until I break away from this unhealthy bio clock, my posts will refer to events as 'yesterday', since they did happen yesterday at the time of blogging.

Yesterday was. One heck of a day. I was telling myself, it's going to be an easy day, since today is CIP and friday is the good. Bad, bad thing to tell yourself.

It started alright, actually. Then I heard qfnn got scolded before assembly and Mr. Hon and Woofie was involved. I'm not worried per se, since qfnn has a way of getting around things, but I do hope it isn't another silly thing about socks and hair. Surely the school has better things to do.

Gilbert scolded me during assembly. Guess what for.

I was being my usual self passing snide comments at the mostly incoherent things my batchmates are saying. I'm used to that since no one ever scolds me for that and I find it more entertaining to review others. So I was saying over my shoulder to my classmate, "Did you know what he's talking about? Did anyone know what he's talking about?"

Then Gilbert turned his big European head and snapped (with his accent) , "Why don't you go up there and make your comment? Jiasheng, why are you passing comments are other people's comments? If you want to pass a comment, go up there!"

He stared at me, waiting for me to submit to his might.

"Considering," I muttered. Then I shut up.

I know it's really embarrassing and pretty cowardly to do that, but I didn't want to get into his bad books, with him teaching one of the fickle subjects in school.

***

The rest of the academic day was rather uneventful, except during Physics.

Yaps: (holds up marker) So this is my rod. I heat one end and this end's molecules gets excited. They will continue to get excited until the other end.

I was laughing so hard, choking on my saliva, like a madman, crying in strangled way, "My rod... HAHAHAH... MY ROD! HAHAHAHA." Then everyone looked at me and started laughing.

Mr. Yap was like, "You guys very sick,"

Then Junyang said, "Wah your rod so long ar,"

Mr Yap brushed him off provocatively, "I don't need to show you,"

***

Was in a little panic when I found out that I had lessons from 1.20 to 2, when I have to see Mrs. Lai at 1.30. Ran to the band room and passed SLIM's homeroom, when he was howling random numbers.

Sometimes I think I'm better off staying in non-CSE, since I really don't work hard enough and I deserve it. Oh well.

Anyway I was very tempted to knock and say, "Mr. Lim? I'm sorry, but my teacher at Block B says it's too loud. Could you tone down a little?"

In the end I spent my (only free) afternoon collating uniform stuff. Melissa Lai asked the Major question again. I said I was considering, when I should have said No.

Figures.

Aaaaand yes, I'm blowing the band budget on lanyards. They cost a freaking 28 bucks EACH.

Things coming up:

Beret workshop

***
I'm dreading CIP. I have my phone back, and Ms. Quah just sent me a weird message. I think some band is having their concert soon, any takers? I'll.. um. Keep you guys posted.

signed, jiasheng

4:48 AM

My first day of Term 2 wasn't too bad.

If your definition of 'bad' was being poked in every possible orifice with every possible object of every possible temperature.

That is, a red-hot poker in the eye.

Though the eye isn't really an orifice.

The socket is though.

OMG WHAT AM I SAYING DIE DIE DIE HOMEWORK DIE!

***

Okay so it was bad.

But not that bad.

I feel unproductive and stupid. And I can't even find an adjective anymore.

Still. Still. Still.

I can't find anything to say.

***

Good luck to those people having blocks.

Good luck to those people still doing holiday homework (like me).

***

Tag replies:

Bryan: =.= balls =/= bryan, first time here, smelliott told me that my pic was here, and so was mas selamats O.O, never been here, so balls =/= bryan

>>Um. I get the point. And yes. I still have no idea who balls is. And my last sentence sounds grammatically wrong, but it's correct.

the pillow: jia sheng you fag remove all the scandalous pics of bonding now!

>> what, send them to TB²? If you say so...

***

Oh yes for the last time in my life, my name is Lin Jiasheng.

See? Jiasheng. It says so on my birthcert. And my EZ-link card. Which I can't be bothered to scan, so you just have to trust me on that.

So the next pinhead that calls me Jia sheng will find their brains pulled out from each ear and tied into a pretty ribbon.

Will elaborate later. Time for school now.

signed, jiasheng

8:20 AM

//warning: spoiler alert.

The Leap Years was an utter, utter disappointment.

Y'know, I've been secretly/openly* wanting to watch that show since it's out. It sounds so appealing. And it's kinda a personal movie for me because secretly, there's always a person I'm waiting for (though she's not blue and blurry) and I'm prone to doing stupid stuff (like writing notes to ask perfect strangers out).

(*secretly/openly - because I've announced that I wanted to watch it on my blog and I've tried to coerce band people to watch to with me, much to their amazement - "The Leap Years is for teenage girls," so from then on I pretended that I'm not that interested and when we were deciding what movie to watch yesterday I was like, "The Leap Years is supposed to be sappy," but we watched it anyway.)

Anyway, yes, I went out with the the girls yesterday. Mrs. Chen didn't show because of the work and thus we went to fulfill our lunch-movie tradition. And I spent all my money. Trumpets and Euphos better pay me back soon ar.

Yeah so yesterday I was feeling horrible because my mother was being a total bitch (I did not say that) and I had a worse hair day (because my hair is always bad). I ended up in a baggy shapeless jeans that I did not like (because my Levi's was in the wash) and some stupid shirt which was scratchy (because all my nice shirts are worn to the camp and in the wash too).

So in a nutshell I was miserable. And poor.

But so we decided to lunch at Subway, where I was indecisive and stuff so the four of us shared 2 foot-long subs. As usual we chatted and stuff, with me nodding and talking incomprehensibly because my mind is fried and all I could manage was stuff tuna bread into my mouth and stare out of the big window at some HDB flats nearby.

So we watched The Leap Years. I don't know whether it was my mood or something, because I recalled saying I loved watching any movie, be it atrociously bad or anything. But I really didn't enjoy this film. I didn't get goosebumps like I usually do. I tried to convince myself to be touched, because I'm supposed to, but then halfway through the movie I gave up. Why should I give excuses to a move I don't enjoy? So I stopped trying and tried to just watch on without puking.

I hated the plot. (what an insult to Catherine Lim, but.) Or rather, I hated the directing. It might be a good plot (I didn't read the story, for fear of being disappointed by the movie, which I am now!) but the organizing was terrible. And the music was too loud. During those supposedly-touching moments, the sentimental music suddenly flared to a volume that distracts the audience.

I especially hated the characters. The girls hated Qi Yuwu for his disgusting accent but Jovina commented that Ananda Everingham had strong muscles. I hate the male characters because both of them had long hair, which doesn't make them macho enough. They're not supposed to be, but no one wants to watch sissies as male leads. And Everingham keep wearing those ugly shirts. Wong Lilin was okay, but her boobs are insubstantial and her tummy is visible. Joan Chen just looks like a crazed woman. The bottomline is, the acting was horrible.

I couldn't feel the romance. I couldn't feel the wild passion of unconventional love. I couldn't feel the agony of the waiting lover. I know, it looks as if I have the emotional quotient of a stone, but I really couldn't.

The worst thing that happened during the movie was when it was almost over, probably the last 10 minutes, where it's the sorta climax. I was munching my too-sweet popcorn, a little numb from the movie, trying to just sit through it, when suddenly..

BOOM.

The screen went black.

The lights went on.

So everyone was shocked, because the character was halfway reading through a letter. I was like, is this a surprise ending? A cliffhanger? Am I supposed to leave now? Everyone was stunned and staring at the screen, somehow expecting something to happen but nothing did. So we stared at the screen at the blank screen for around 2 minutes.

Then I started laughing.

It was so ridiculous! What do you expect me to do? Imagine a bunch of people just sitting there and staring at a blank screen. Qiqi was giving a weird, Is this over? look, while Jovina was half-yelling "Refund!" and Amelia just giggled along with me. Then the girls starting laughing along too and people started staring AT US.

Oh my God, it was just hilarious. We were laughing in a cinema with a blank screen.

Anyway after spilling a lot of popcorn the movie went back after maybe 10 minutes.

So it wasn't a surprise ending at all. It ended weirdly. So when we were leaving, we were laughing so hard, trying to speak but it was just too funny so we just laughed like the insane down the stairs.

Isn't the movie supposed to be romantic?

Then we mucked around J8, sitting at the Coffee Bean and making weird crumb shapes and chatted stuff. Qiqi left and the rest of us went to Taka to window shop (since we were really poor) and went back to J8 (Jovina did that to me the last time!) because Jo had to be chauffeured there. Then Amelia and I parted ways. I slept the rest of the day away.

Now. The last day of the holidays. I have not touched my holiday homework.

[insert expletives and ending here]

signed, jiasheng

10:58 AM

WELCOME, CHICKENINTOASTER!!!

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...

.....
because nothing beats the randomness of an undue welcome. But actually I have something more important, if not obvious, to announce:

I AM BACK FROM BAND CAMP.

(Then this post is left like that for a few hours, due to my slowness at arranging, renaming and uploading the blurry band photos.)

Okay band camp was tiring. But fun. And rewarding. And with lots of cool bondage. And a moderate success, thanks to a lot of people.

Now let me look at the schedule to refresh my memory.

Day 1.

Woke up with a horrible, horrible (note: this word has utmost importance] sore throat. I felt like there was an ant nest inside. They were swarming around my larynx and biting and crawling all over. I kept drinking liquids (milk, water, milo, juice) and then I almost had a stomachache. I reached school at about 6 plus, where Jeremy was there. He brought a super gigantic bag that could fit a tuba inside. It turned out that he had a sore throat too, so we went to the nearest petrol station and bought strepsils. It was a pretty walk back.

Weiqi's sick so there was only 3 people in Eupho, including Wang Zhi. The only indoor prac in the morning was pretty boring because Leng forgot to bring the school song he just arranged. So it passed rather uneventfully until lunch, where we had the pleasure of drinking [insert someone's name here]'s pee:

Actually it could be pee or oil. Observe the foam.

More likely oil la.

(This picture is so artsy.)

Yeah so I was like telling everyone it's [someone, I can't tell you who]'s pee and watching them choke at their drink.

Then band camp was weird with the rain (another important word) and stuff. Then after such a tiring day, we went showering. Which is when I realized I forgot two important things:

1) Towel
2) Slippers

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Yeah. I can't too. But anyway that was how pathetic my shower went. I went to the toilet barefoot with the you-know-what's-on-toilet-floors sticking to my feet and being all wet when wearing my clothes.

Oh, and Aikhwee flashed us in the toilet. Until I threatened to take a photo and send it to [insert junior's name here].

Aikhwee: (later) So did you take a photo of my cock?
Me: Uhm. No. My camera couldn't zoom to something that small.

(And uh, no, I really didn't take a picture. Because I don't bring my phone to the toilet.)

So a bunch of us went to Coro for dinner. There were no seats left, so we were camping outside the eatery and eating our lemon chicken rice like paupers.

Presenting the Hwa Chong Band Beggars:

We could be construction workers, too!

In our Bilabong clothes and Op slippers

Concentrated pee/oil.

Then it was time for... the.. ARENA

The drum rolls. The spectators sit in a wide circle, with bated breath, for the gladiator(s) to hit the guts out of them with a SLEEPING BAG.

Yes, our band version of whacko.

The circle.

The hunting ground.

Why is Jason standing? Or is that Jason at all? Questions to ask my 1.3 megapixel.

The marimba is neutral.

Run for the kill.

Jeremy is distracted... to his disadvantage.

Huiyao looks bored.

Now he doesn't.

Notice what Chengyun is doing with Caleb.

Onlookers, petrified.

He approaches.

Waiting.

Bufan is waiting for the *coughs* insertion. But the sleeping bag is teasing him and refusing to *coughs* complete him and grant him what he wants.

ZOMG Fangxu is floating. With his super-concentrated PSI powers.

This looks like an OSIM advertisement.

On your mark... get set...

Meanwhile, Jason... x)

Get set... GO! He runs.

The timpani laughs. Or should it be called timpanus? I mean, what is the singular form of timpani?

The trumpet section strikes.

In action.

So after the weird whacko game, the inevitable continues. The exciting tradition of band bonding starts. Where people screams as their clothes are forcefully ripped from their bodies.

Edwin goes first. He seems to be enjoying it.

Elliot is the next sacrifice to our needs.

This picture is seriously scandalous. It really looks like the cover of some gay porn vid.

Post coitus bliss.

Okay I have to stop posting pictures of bondage. Or else weird advertisement will appear on my tagboard.

The night was complete with Huiyao's and Tee Zhuo's mutual moaning for each other. And impromptu made-up ghost stories about abortion and broken heads. And L. Siao's snores.

Day 2.

Half the band outing was devoted to going to Bugis to buy gloves. Then I (stupidly) cabbed to Vivo to join my section. Thanks Lionel for taking care of Eupho juniors. We ended up walking around and buying chocolates for the section gift tomorrow..

Our section gift. Not. It's funny la, since CGS actually gave us 5 apples. But that was after we bought the chocolates x|

It says Finest Selection. Yes, by me, of course.

Nicely wrapped and decorated by yours truly xP

Okay the BBQ was something that pissed me off quite badly. After coming back from Vivo, the food arrived so Huiyao, Jiexuan, qfnn, Tee Zhuo and I went to carry the boxes of food up. Then a lot of things went wrong like the pathetic size of the grill and a lot of food and other stuff. So Tee Zhuo, Jeremy, Gideon and I were like helping to make things work, while the others just stood around complaining, standing around when we were fanning our hands off, and sticking their paper plates in our faces.

The most maddening thing was some people, especially the big shot ones, just stood around and passed depressing comments.

E: "This is really screwed."
L: "Where is my food?!"

I don't want to name people, just I want to let you guys know that until the end of the BBQ, the people who are actually doing work didn't eat a single morsel. When I'm choking on the charcoal fumes, wiping my tearing eyes, shaking away the burns, and trying to respond to the thousand calls to my name, and then I see you laughing in your exclusive clique, laughing with Leng and ordering fried rice with him, because "the food duo can eat ar", you know how it feels?

Like I said, I'm not complaining, but I'm complaining.

Okay away from the depressing stuff. After showering, we watched Drumline. Well, I watched half of it. I was like "I don't want to watch Drumline!" but in actual fact, I haven't watched it before. I left at the exciting part (when the characters were kissing) because Huiyao didn't want to stay.

Third day. The most horrible and rainy one. (See? I warned you.)

Well the section competition was HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. I screwed up incredibly. I was muttering "I feel horrible." to myself the whole day.

Then the exchange. Which was spent helping a disabled supporter from TK. I have mixed feelings about this supporter, because of some reasons, so I shan't talk about him anymore.

Oh yeah we were talking about how TK would arrive, because they were late due to the rain.

"By air. We'll see a plane flying over and there'll be a synchronized parachute troop coming down. It'll be raining TK band members."

"By car. They'll send 40 cars (TK has around 160 coming over), and another 40 for instruments. Then they can form formations on the road."

"By foot. They'll march here, with perfect 90 degrees and stuff. Then they'll do formations also."

So when they did come with 5 buses, it was kinda disappointing x)

Anyway their band was BIG. BIG. BIG. And the drum major is super tall and intimidating. And he's sec3. And I don't recall seeing him smiling at all. They totalled pwned us (to expectations).

I was super pissed about our performance because I wasn't ready. Sorry Ming Yi for snapping at you. I was really in a bad mood. The band was horribly wrong. It felt really tragic. The rain was coming in, and my vision was blurred with sweat and raindrops. I just felt really sad doing the formations and breathing hard, watching the TK people watch us, imaging how they're holding back their snickers (It was only my imagination - they're super nice, which adds to the guilt) and pointing at us.

I just felt really lousy.

But anyway. Managed to be okay. I wasn't my most cheerful, but at least I didn't emo during the section games part.

The thing I notice about TK band is how they're all very willing to do things, without complaint. They honour bandship and treat everyone as their family. They might not (figuratively) speak our language, (which explains the awkwardness when we tried to know more about each other), but they have a bond tells me why they're the top band. I can see that, really.

I'm ashamed and inspired at the same time. Which I guess is the appropriate emotion for exchanging with a good band.

I'm not saying they're simpler in nature, and more easy to 'control'. Because they're not. It's just that the Hwachongians are too wrapped up in our little worlds to really give their all. I hope that would change, because if someone who hates outdoor to the core can feel inspired by an outdoor band, then I hope the rest can. I just hope my enthusiasm will last a little longer.

I know what makes TK band successful. But I'm also fearing that HCIB will never get TKB has. Worse, I feel that I would never be able to make the band better, because DM or no DM, it's everyone's responsibility. I understand that only after the exchange. I'm not running for DM because I fear the responsibility. But the big R is always there, no matter what post you hold, or if you don't hold anything at all. It doesn't matter if Gideon would be DM, because even if he's still holding to the passe idea of reform, he still surpasses me in spirit. And not only me. The others too.

I'll talk about this another time. I hope I won't burn out.

The band camp has really been rewarding. Thanks to:

1) The organizers (Huiyao, qfnn and Zi Qian)
2) The people giving instructions (Edwin and Zong Xian)
3) The teachers for their tremendous help in administration (Mrs. Chan and Mrs. Lai) and food (Ms Quah)
4) People like Tee Zhuo, Jeremy and Gideon for taking initiative.

Yeah so.

It feels like the end of the post right.

But it's not because I have more (random) pictures to post x)