blog/enigma

Saturday, June 28, 2008

8:40 PM

Snap out of it, Jiasheng.

signed, jiasheng

8:41 PM

I am depressed for a number of reasons.

The most obvious one would be the aftermath of the assembly. For people who doesn't know what's happened:

Background
The assembly topic was regarding the 3.0 MSG mark for EP3 (CCA) leaders. The school is pushing for the policy of relinquishing the leadership posts of those who can't make the academic cut (getting more than 3.0 MSG for one term, not sure what's the GPA equivalent), at least temporarily.

This issue is triggered by a parent complaining that his son was too heavily involved in his CCA, Scouts, and had gotten 4 Ds in his A levels.

A survey conducted Mr. Hon (Principal) showed 9% of the student population objected to this measure. The other 91 percent consists of students who didn't indicate their stance, or didn't object to the measure.

Issue
Usually I don't participate in assemblies at all (unless you count the snide remarks), because they disinterest, or sometimes entertain me with the sheer banality of its format. Mr Hon will announce the school's interest in some issue, and he'll pretend to "discuss" it with the school population when what he's really doing is to strengthen his support and refute all the other arguments.

Of course, that's my own flawed, immature, childish, rebellious judgement, and is my personal opinion. I take it upon myself that I may be wrong, but unless a new trend show up, I will not waver from my attitude regarding assemblies, that they are inherently totalitarian, and it's a facade of supposed democracy. If I have to be convinced by higher authorities, by twisted reason, I will not waver.

But that's not the point. The point is on Wednesday, for once, I went up on my own, to confront Mr. Hon about it. I say confront because I realized what I did wasn't just to go to the mike to present my position on this issue. It was to struggle against something that was already decided in Mr. Hon's mind.

There were various reasons why I did it. One, because it was relevant. I cannot stand by and let a decision that would affect me be ratified. The second one was due to the lack of a proper stance against the decision. When (potential) leaders of elite EP3s (note: prominent CCAs, consisting mostly of sports) were summoned down, most of them gave vague replies, generally agreeing and going with the flow. Others gave feeble attempts, like bargaining for a 3.5.

What is this nonsense?

I understand that it's a minority group we're discussing about. And yes, students are meek and obedient when faced with authority. But to me, it's a gross injustice. What is this nonsense?

I went to the mike, and that is what I said (the rough idea. You'll have to trust me on accuracy.).

-I questioned the accuracy of the survey. It was obvious that only a small number of sec3s supported the idea. I asked the students again, who actually supports the idea. A few stick-like hands rose up. Everyone else was laughing at how inaccurate the survey is. Oh, so that is 91%? I don't think so.

-Mr. Hon insisted that his survey is "real". He went on to tell us that we shouldn't blame others for not electing. I couldn't understand why he's denying himself the chance of seeing the real, pertinent truth. We can see, quite clearly, that the survey does not reflect real results. What's the point of such a survey then?

-For me, it's really a matter of principles. Such an action taken by the school is a direct message to the EP3 leaders. It's an alarming threat, that "If you don't perform academically, we're taking your post away." That might not be intended, but I feel that, too acutely. I'm sure many of us feel the same way. Isn't the school supposed to be, oh, "nurture leaders?" Is this the way that the school is nurturing and supporting leaders?

-I'm pushing for the notion of approaching student leaders with academic difficulty on a case-by-case basis. Some EP3s really NEED leaders. Then I mentioned I was from band, a poor decision on hindsight. I mentioned that we need lots of leaders, because it's not easy to run a band.

-Mr. Hon then questioned that do we need so many leaders for band. I replied that the band won't perform optimally if we lose even a single leader.

-What I didn't mention was how Mr. Hon seems to be dismissing leaders as a infinite resource.

-I touched on the idea of leaders whose results are not due to EP3, but other reasons. It's not fair. If the person in question is slack, and doesn't do his leadership post well, sack him for all I care. But what about people who really work hard, still fail to perform, taking the post won't help. It'll make him lose respect. It'll crush his self-confidence.

-Mr. Hon said something about grades being the basic standard we must achieve.

-I was really tempted to say, "If we take a A-levels student with straight As and throw him in the workforce, he'll earn what, 3k a month? A professional saxophonist? Easily 10K a month. The professional would enjoy his job."

-Different definitions of success, people.

-In the end, the chairperson said there was no time, and Mr. Hon said he would consider my take on the measure being a guideline rather than a rule.

***

The aftermath was rather complicated.

Immediately after, I had a distinct floaty feeling. I felt like I've won a battle, even though I could never beat Mr. Hon in an argument. I have people telling me that I was "articulate", "persistent", and there were people generally just saying how I impressed them. A clap on the back. My ego was inflated.

Then came other remarks. A teacher pulled me aside this morning, and told me something along these lines: "You don't have to listen to this, but you have to take note of your speech when talking to Mr. Hon. You have a lot of bravery, but no EQ. You cannot confront Mr. Hon just like that, twice even. It's not respectful. You can make suggestions to him, but what you said made things difficult for Mr. Hon."

I nodded. At that time I didn't give it much thought.

Then teachers I know started telling me the same thing. I was in the staff room, and suddenly a booming voice said, "JIASHENG! YOU ARE THE ONE! THE ONE WHO CONFRONTED MR. HON!"

I said, "It wasn't a confrontation. It was a... erm. discussion."

They weren't convinced. In fact they were going on and on about how I have no EQ.

I bet now teachers discuss me in the pantry, when stirring their coffees.

"You know that boy. So rude to Mr. Hon. No EQ."

I'm depressed about how this school operates like that.

Do note I omitted all names, for fear of persecution.

I'll like to hear from you. You can use a pseudonym, and I promise to guard your I.P. address with my life. Just tell me something I should do.

Though I shouldn't expect any tags.

signed, jiasheng

4:54 AM

It's very hard to wake up, when you set your alarm at 12.30am. I fought a constant battle with my snooze button, until it won and I woke up at 2.45.

Now it's almost time for me to shower, go to school with what, 6 hours of sleep in 2 days. And try to finish all my overdue holiday homework in little tidbits of time, such as slack lessons/recess breaks.

And of course, the band admin work from hell. I'm not accusing anyone here, really, but when you see like a straight line of emails from Mrs. Lai, you start to suspect her humanity.

No, I'm joking, albeit tiredly. We have a lot of things to do in very little time. Hard pressed and pressurized. Mrs. Lai's amazing.

A lot of thoughts running through my mind lately. Things like:

1) I can't believe I'm going for the Jap band tour audition (more on that later), when I'm going to fail anyway .
2) I can't believe I'm sharing cost with someone to buy someone else a present, when I'm so disapproving of the person receiving the present.
3) I can't believe that I'm starting to think everyone's a hypocrite accusing each other of being hypocrites.
4) I can't believe I have so much overdue holiday homework.
5) I can't believe there are 2 tests in the first week.
6) I can't believe NBC is in 2 weeks.
7) I can't believe... a lot of things.

This is a time of suspended reality.

signed, jiasheng

10:44 AM

So I was doing my chinese homework, searching for mandarin songs to hopefully boost my subconscious chinese standard, when I came across this:

Of course, I couldn't do my homework afterwards. I HAD TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

***

Practically none of my homework is done.

This June holidays feel like a consecutive series of weekends and band prac.

And you know, I do nothing during weekends.

Sigh. Rushing work now.

signed, jiasheng

10:05 AM

Just to be clear, if I've posted any pictures of you which you don't want to appear on this blog, please tell me and I'll remove them.

This applies to all the pictures I've posted, with the exception of these 2:

These shall be here forever more.

Joking.

signed, jiasheng

11:39 AM

Dear qf,

And I think you're thinking too much.

I seriously thought the exchange wasn't as bad as you thought. There weren't any major screw ups (pun unintended). I thought everyone learned something. And we left the day without having lost anything (besides the few original scores, but those can be recovered.)

Sometimes it's best to focus on the bright side. Like what Mr. Leng said, the band didn't break down, or collapse when we played in front of them, even though it was pretty unprepared. We do have a lot of work to do, but at least now we know the band can play in front of an audience confidently. I also feel that the band is more humbled, and all three bands are more friendly.

Logistics-wise, I'm going to excuse us. Yep, it's the exco's fault, or the majors' fault, but honestly, it's just our first exchange that we organize. We learn, and we move on. It's not so much on "oh we screwed up", but "let's not screw up the next time". If we look at the whole, we did more good than bad. If you keep dwelling about what we didn't do, then you won't ever see what we can do the next time.

Doubting yourself doesn't help. We're all voted in because of our ability. If you don't think so, then show that you have the ability. Don't get the wrong idea that you have to work extra hard, etc etc. Nope. We all have to work hard. I know what I screwed up during the exchange, and I'll work on that. We all have our own set of problems to fix.

If it's any consolation, I think we still pwn the last batch x)

***

On a separate issue altogether,

I knew that it'll never work out. You're getting closer by the day, and sometimes I forget who you're supposed to be, his best friend or mine.

Regards,
Jiasheng.

signed, jiasheng

9:55 PM

That's it. That's the last straw. I've tolerated everything I could, and here comes the last straw.

My PC crashed.

Now all my files are gone. GONE. Important band documents, all the band music, all the band pictures.

Tragic.

***

So I was watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the other day, and suddenly all I could think of was you.

I couldn't get you out of my mind. I saw you everywhere. The chocolate! Everything I see it, I see you.

Brown, sticky, dirty. That's you.

Welcome back from Thailand! I missed you.

***

This is such a metaphorical and short post. Shoo!

***

P.S., the pictures get smaller because I keep resizing it manually. That's why.

signed, jiasheng

2:33 AM

It's freaking 2.33am in the morning, I have band prac early tomorrow morning, and I ask myself this crucial question:

Why the hell am I awake?

I blame the dark mocha frap (which I was not supposed to drink, seeing my pseudo-allergy to caffeine). But most probably my brain just won't let me.

I'll be dead tomorrow. I hope the three of them (namely qifannn jiexuan and huiyao) don't try to give me the eh jiasheng you go take charge look again. I feel all kinds of awkward when I'm suddenly thrust with the job, like on Monday, which some people can probably see I wasn't in the mood and dismissed the band rather sianly.

***

Band camp photos! With commentaries!

I realized most of them are blurry. Why can't God let me take non-fuzzy pictures?

This is the perfect band corporate photo. Butt cheese!

Zhengyu's pretty shy. Paperface.

Fangxu and the backdrop of food in plastic bags.

Huiyao and his callgirl, Bryan the Slut.

Bryan the Slut is too ashamed.

Yes yes yes, I took that photo because of LJ - not.

Qifannn owns a Puma jacket? Hmmm wait...

Elliot looks like I'm taking the photo naked. You never know.

Contemplative, are we?

This could totally be a gay flirt scene, except without Sean's big yawn at the background.

See?! The Shorts Tug.

Some freaking flautists.

What's Jia Hong smiling about? A recent memory of being bonded, perhaps?

Juniors!

A quiet blurry entrance.

No escape for Keith now, The Scary Bitch is right behind.

Here he cums.

I like this photo. Very visionary. It's like, a contrast. Light and dark. Evil and good. Something like what Michelangelo would paint.

Or it could be a Obama campaign poster with, well, Jie Xuan.

Tee Zhuo looks like a vampire having an orgasm.

Chenyun, the resident bunny who is not cute.

Oops, sorry for the flash. Did I wake anyone up?

Obama girl, giving one of his (his?!) signature I've got a crush on Obama smiles. Giddy looks kinda grumpy, and the others just adore the camera lens.