I think I understand now.

When your attitude is questioned, your integrity compromised, your worth doubted,it is natural to want to seek out reassurance, someone who, with an unjudging hand, brushes away your moment of weakness.

But it shouldn't be an addiction. 

Nor should it be a big lie. It's sad living in a lie. Sadder if you're the one lying.

I think I'm going to adopt this attitude:

I don't mind if you bitch about me, as long as it's not true.

I know I sound like Gideon, but if it is true, do let me hear it. 

***

I don't know about other people... but when I do say things about other people, I don't mind repeating it in front of them.

I hope my friends do the same.

***

Anyway, just disillusioned about people. 

This post is also too fragmented to be called a post, but who cares.

RE: Poor service of Spotlight cashier

Dear whoever who has the power to sack that woman,

Have you ever seen a grape? Full, supple and juicy? Yes? Good.

Now, have you ever seen a raisin? Over ripened, shrunk and acrid? Yes? Thus, we shall now therefore refer to the cashier as "The Raisin".

I wish to report my dissatisfaction of the service of the aforementioned cashier when I was doing my part as a responsible, paying customer at your exalted Spotlight outlet, at Plaza Singapura on 13th October 2008.

Procuring for materials for a personal project, my friends and I enquired at the counter about the price of a stack of wooden doorhangers, which was not labelled with a price tag. We clearly stated our intentions, in the statement, "How much is this?"

Unfortunately, The Raisin reared her ugly head and proceed to ask my company and I to pay for the entire stack of said wooden doorhangers. Taken aback, as we merely requested a price check, we declined and informed her that we did not say that we want the whole stack. Furthermore, we have not decided to purchase that certain product of your outlet. 

In response to our deliberation on this matter, The Raisin shot us a countenance of pure dislike with her shrivelled facade, and loudly proclaimed in the most crass of manner, that the product in question is "very popular" and therefore, required our immediate purchase, lest she bought it as snacks for herself.

This stellar example of service greatly enhances my future motivation as an avid shopper of Spotlight products. 

Thank you for your feedback on my feedback in advance, since I don't want to reply to your expected bureaucratic email.

Yours sincerely,
A loyal customer

***

Anyway, I just realized the obscene amounts of work I have to do after exams.

1) Thanks to Tee Zhuo, I'm now expected to write the most kick ass cleaning procedure for my section, which is thankfully not as complicated as a clarinet but still a pain in the neck because brass instruments can be washed. Tee Zhuo is doing his sneaky enthusiasm act again.

2) The sec4 farewell preparations. Even as I write this, I can imagine how grateful my seniors are going to be. I'm so very certain that people are going to say, "Since you guys are so sick of it, don't plan it la. I don't mind. I want go HCJC band now!" I have a half a mind not to do anything - but no, we're going to organize the most awesome farewell. Can't care about complaints if I do my job right. 

3) NCO play script! Haven't got the chance to do anything yet.

4) English debate on pre-marital sex.(I'm proposition! Gonna show the Madtv video with Avril Lavigne I think)

5) Section stuff

6) Band prac

7) P5 camp!

***

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

***

Actually, I prefer the name "Duchess" than "Hwa Chong" or even "Kah Kee".

Duchess. Duchess. Doesn't that sound infinitely more posh, more royal, and less cumbersome than "Kah Kee"? 

I bet the MRT station would blast Fergie songs all day. They might even invite her to do her gig there! But if you name it "Kah Kee Station", I bet Hwa Chong would want to erect another black statue of Tan Kah Kee there.

It's so egoistic, trying to claim a station to yourself. I honestly don't understand how Mr. (I mean, Dr.) Hon could think that writing Although the station is built on our land, they are not prepared to name it Hwa Chong Station. is not a humongously bigoted sentence to write, in display of the awesome Hwa Chong Communist Spirit.

I am, however, surprised that the station is built on the land of the Hwa Chong Kingdom. I wonder which part of the land are they going to erm, donate? I think it'll be really funny if they built an underpass right under and make the exit smack in the middle of the field. Then the javelin people would start hunting down those disobedient commuters who refuse to pledge obeisance to the God of Kah Kee.

I love my neo-Nazi empire, er, I mean, school. I hope they don't put me in a concentration camp, er, I mean, level assembly.

I want to private my blog. Is that advisable?

Open to comments.

Istana was quite exciting. There were cute primary school kids playing in the band (not bad la) and people marching around and interesting gifts from other countries and posh-looking stuff.

The grounds were also huge and resembled a goft course.

I made a lot of presidential jokes which should not be retold, for fear of legal repercussions.

After that I had fun at Daiso and Spotlight at PS, buying random stuff like cancerous hats and charcoal facewash.

***

Though it was really a fun day, it kinda went off when I logged on to the net.

Feels kinda flat.

I think I'm still going to school tomorrow. Even if people think I'm extra. I will sit down carefully, because people are pretty raw nowadays and you don't want to step on their nerves.

Yeah maybe I'll practice my instrument for a little bit. I've neglected it way too much. The sound might be jarring to some.

Then after they've gone off to sit for their bio exam (which I don't qualify for), I'll go to that cafe and be at a window seat.

Maybe order a hot chocolate drink, and a cookie.

Then I'll start thinking on what I want to do. But one thing I know is right: this isn't a right time to do anything. We should wait till the ants crawl off us, then start to talk. I've always wanted peace, even if sometimes it seemed like I was never the peacemaker.

Truth. Is it that elusive?

I know the truth. The whole, terrible, truth. As much as I don't want to have anything to do with it, I know I can't escape the inevitable responsibility.

The truth is... I can't stand the truth. But it doesn't mean that I won't try. I know I've been trying. So hard too.

I'll leave more for myself to think, when I do fulfil this prediction, at the window seat of the cafe.

Meanwhile, please think only the best of me.

Conversation in the shower

"Eh what's wrong with you? Your exams over leh. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"No la. I'm not really celebrating 'cause my friends are still having their exams. And besides, I planned to do some stuff after exams. Will be quite busy loh. P5 camp, possible band concert, NCO camp, and I want to try some new things."

"Wor, busy man ar you."

"Aiya... just some things to occupy my time. Or else I'll feel bored, or worse, emo."

"You already sound emo. Actually because I'm your alter-ego, I already know you're emo. What gives?"

"Nothing much, just the usual I-don't-know-why-my-friends-hate-me stuff. I'm pretty discouraged to be nice to them when they aren't."

"Oh, like what?"

...
...
...

".... so it's like that lor."

"Oh."

"Sometimes I really have no idea what stupid part of me still thinks that best friends are really forever."

"You have to work hard la."

"Yeah, maybe it's my fault that I didn't give my friends all my attention."

"Maybe. Friendship goes two ways."

"So what should I do now? Abandon those bad debts, and seek out fresh mistakes to make? Like what I always do?"

"You know you can try to repair."

"It's difficult. And it might not work. And I might get battered up."

"Are your friends worth it?"

"I don't know."

***

Btw, going to Istana (the only reason why I'm taking a shower this early on a Public Holiday.)

It's only open on selected days of the year. My first time there!

Ciao.