blog/enigma
Oooohkay. I'm ready to blog about Gideon (in a non-sarcastic, non-flaming way).
So. Right. About Gideon. When I hear all those mean things about Gideon, I would say, "You guys very mean 'know," because sometimes it's what I think. We are very mean to Gideon. I would admit, I'm pretty mean to Gideon, even now, though not as much.
But we are mean. Because that's the way it is. There has got to be one person that no one likes.
I've been that way before. I can emphathise, but seriously, honestly, I don't want to. Maybe it's selfishness, but ask anyone. Who wants to be unpopular and disliked?
Back to Gideon. I think he's immensely dense. He has an extraordinarily backward sense of how social groups work, as well as an almost retarded way of relating to other people. He shows zero communication skills, and his worst flaw, amongst the many he has, is that he has a false reality that no one believes in. He firmly believes in many things that do not apply in the real world.
He believes that effort is always equivalent with results. Not true.
He believes that he can change things, with his set of skills from self-help books and leadership sabbaticals. Let me tell you, no. Leadership goes by experience.
He believes that he is more than what he is. That is, he has a giant ego to match his size. No, no, no.
He's probably very puzzled why everyone is so against him. And by the rate that things are going, he's gonna become the next L, screwing up his section, but having no real defiance because he's just too good-boy. He's going to end up a bigger loser, trying to correct things in his own way, when better solutions exist. With such a twisted sense of the band and the world at large, Gideon needs to grow up.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Because when I hear those mean remarks, I fear that it's just going to be a vicious cycle. It's not fair. And I don't want to have a dysfunctional SL. Gideon is hardworking, and I believe that if we can modify what we say, he can get the task done. Who cares what he believes? We all have different ideals. As long as he's capable, I don't have to like him/hate him, like what Huiyao says. I'll respect him as a capable, responsible SL.
I won't say mean things about him anymore. I'll hope that he comes back soon, because we need a tuba player, and we need a tuba SL. If someone is talking mean things about Gideon, I won't join in. I hope others will do the same, but I don't impose that. It's a personal choice.
If there comes a day where he can finally grow up, I'll be glad. But meanwhile, I'll treat him as someone I need, not as a friend, but someone to fulfill my duties and his duties. We all have work to do.
He's a band member. If you love band, why not show him a little of that love?
signed, jiasheng
Yesterday was a super crazy day.
After band prac hung out with the percs at KAP waving to random people. Then when they stare back we'll flinch and laugh like a bunch of mad people.
Kinda reminds of the day sometime last year when I said hi to random people.
***
Actually I didn't blog so much nowadays because I was trying to prepare the pseudo BM speech on my blog since I didn't really say much during that impromptu speech Edwin stupidly thrust upon me.
(Ya, that was impromptu. You won't hear me saying things like that ever in a prepared speech.)
Then Gideon's blog started having issues and I wanted address them too, so this blog just sorta got clogged up with things I have to think about and thus, the churn out of posts are quite slow.
Yah so meanwhile wait for them while my mind process about stuff.
Aaaaaand. I'm a responsible blogger, so I'm not going to complain about how incredibly irritating and annoying is having maths lesson on the first day of holidays because I'm missing half of band prac and my fantastically happy-clappy maths teacher, a certain person who wears nothing but Bilabong shirts with flowery prints and yes it's a he, some person who likes to fluctuate his voice like a kettle going off, he's so indescribable, a lil' like McGriddles. Ya, not complaining at all.
Don't even ask me about archery. NO YOU EVIL SPIRITS WHO MADE MY ARROWS FLY EVERYWHERE! Sean summoned spirits to damn my arrows. Really. That's the only reason to explain my lowest possible score.
Oh then we played Tanabata (Seventh Night of July) during band prac. Which was a killer grade 5 piece, yay. With 1 solo, 2 soli, and a dozen different melodies. Which I completely fluked everything at sight-reading.
Huiyao's solo is nice. Like Mark's. Must the Birthday God. In that case can I book a Lucky Solo Slot on my birthday? Then I can play this piece.
I have a nagging feeling that we're not going to play tanabata anyway, but just gonna practise. It's a cool song.
Okay later going out for hy's bday lunch then the camp people's dinner. And I have like zilch money in my wallet x|
Don't think my mum will be charitable, but let's just try.
Meanwhile, my next post might be about Giddy, so. Have fun waiting =)
signed, jiasheng
Found the link on Joan's blog:
Most people with a severe leftward slant have some type of childhood trauma they have yet to work through. Since we didn't actually "see the writing", we can't tell if he actually has a hard left emotional slant, but if so... he has issues with trust and it is likely rooted in childhood.
Jiasheng has withdrawn into himself. He is reserved and shows his feelings only at times of great anger, extreme passion, or tremendous stress. Jiasheng is an introvert. He makes decisions based on logic, therefore he is rarely impulsive. He doesn't find any need for expressing his emotions. In fact, he probably sees this emotional expression as an unnecessary waste of time. He has a hard time relating to an extreme extrovert, although it is common for him to be attracted to one. Many people do not understand Jiasheng; it is difficult for them to really know how Jiasheng feels. Jiasheng enjoys being alone, and probably prefers working alone. Working with his hands is a pleasure.
Jiasheng's basic nature is to look out for himself first. Although he can and does feel emotions, perhaps as deeply as anyone, he just almost always harbors them inside.
The first time someone angers Jiasheng, he probably will not say anything to that person at that time. However, he will mentally keep track of everything this person does wrong to him until he cannot hold his emotions inside any longer. Then; Boom! Jiasheng will cloud up and rain all over them. And he will never regret telling someone off, because he knew what he was saying the entire time. He won't impulsively tell someone off.
Emotional stories will not sway Jiasheng. He thinks totally with judgment, first considering every situation by the effect it will have on him.
Jiasheng needs space and time alone. He will be much more efficient if given a job alone, rather than being surrounded by people.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Jiasheng doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Jiasheng will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Jiasheng believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.
Jiasheng is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.
In reference to Jiasheng's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Jiasheng slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.
He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jiasheng can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Jiasheng is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jiasheng basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.
Jiasheng is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Jiasheng has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Jiasheng's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Jiasheng has regarding sex and physical things. His lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Jiasheng is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Jiasheng is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Jiasheng has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Jiasheng fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as he moves down the page. If this is true, then Jiasheng has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Jiasheng is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Jiasheng is leaving the past behind and moving on to what he perceives as an exciting and enticing future.
Omg, this is seriously hilarious.
signed, jiasheng
Strange things are happening on MSN recently.
One is that Edwin managed to piss me off so much that I've taken to daoing all his smses and MSN convos (not that he smses/MSNs me frequently). In fact, I'm daoing his MSN window like right now. It's taking all my restraining power to not start to bombard him with flames and stuff.
It all started innocently enough with a Edwin-popup thing. He always does this to me. He'll go, "Jiasheng." on the first sentence that makes me think that I did something wrong, then proceed to ask me for a favour, like opening the SALT band hall or some other saikang stuff. As usual I'll submit and just do. I don't know why.
Well so it was like that. He just popped up as an orange bar, proclaiming that L.Siao is on 933 (yes, prone to random stuff too) and so I wasn't really in the random mood so I just sorta "yeah, okay" him.
Then I started saying he's shitman. (Ah, now the randomness comes.)
Then we started bickering for a while. And one thing about bitching with Edwin is that he simply isn't bitchy enough, so he'll end up saying, "Fag" or some other slur that suggests I'm not joking at all and I really want to have sex with him. Oh please.
Then I just got all sorts of irritated and pissed, for some reason, because he's not being funny/cordial/friendly and it sounds to me like he's just looking for someone who sympathizes, but I'm really not in the mood. Either that or he's being emo and is looking for a softie he can bully.
Okay I know it's really unfair of me saying all these because I kinda started it with the shitman thing but never mind.
The thing that really got me pissed was that he was ranting about how he's telling various people about his problems, in my face, as if "oh jiasheng, you're just not good enough to listen to my troubles." Okay, fine, I'm not, but could you not tell me that? I don't need to know. So I just got really pissed off and I went off to complain to Da Xian, who was all confused like how Da Xian is, so you know what he did? HE GOES OFF TO TELL EDWIN.
I got so freaking worked up I just daoed both of them.
The thing is, it's never about censorship with me, regarding Edwin at least. I say what I want, because I think I've known Edwin for years and years and I can afford to be honest with him. I throw insults easily at him, not caring he's DM, because (a) I don't give a damn about status and (b) I think Edwin would know me enough to know that I don't mean anything serious.
(Actually, now that I think of it, not so long. P5,6, sec 1 he was in HCI I was in PCPS, sec 2-4; so that's 5 years. And I don't remember him being kind when I wasn't too popular in the band.)
Hmmm. So it got me thinking, that I don't really know Edwin. Not as much as I claim.
But that's fine. Really. Be yourself. I'll just continue to joke about his skin tone, call him shitman, whatever. He can continue to tell his confidants his problems, and I won't ever get jealous.
It's fine. He's just a senior, and seniors come and go. I'll acknowledge his contributions, know that he's a good man (but most certainly a bad boy, haha), and sooner or later, he'll become a sort of friend that I don't really know well, despite the length of time I know him. Not really a tragedy, just a little pity.
***
Sean is an absolute LUDDITE.
He was comforting me because my MSN nick read jiasheng coruscation//is entitled to feeling lousy, emo, bitchy and horrible....
... A MONTH AGO.
Seriously. That is how often he logs on.
And we're using offline messages to communicate, since he's never online. Oh when he's online, one of those rare cosmic event horizons, I'm not. So. If I don't see him in school, I would have forgotten he exists.
***
Speaking of offline messages, I was typing offline messages to a certain someone the whole night.
And that certain someone replied when I was asleep.
And now that certain someone is sick. Get well soon.
(By that, I also mean: STOP FALLING ASLEEP AND MAKE ME WAIT FOR YOUR 4-HOURLY SMSES.)
***
//EDITS: suddenly have more things to say.
Ya suddenly there's this rainbow thing on msn. Someone just pasted this into my conver window:
hey all!pls put a (rainbow picture) in front of your msn nick so that msn will donate money to the sichuan earthquake.* Thanks&pls pass on the msg
So I was like, I don't believe it, but let's just put it anyway. (*why does Si Chuan earthquake need money?! GRAMMAR!)
It turned out to be damn stupid. I have this gay rainbow in front of my nick. So when Zhengyu asked me what was it about I told him:
apparently msn is going to donate when i put it on my nick.
Then I looked at my message. Then I looked at the gay rainbow.
Disgusted, I took it off.
***
I have an obscenely short haircut now, and I totally attribute it to karma, that is, my mean gay slurs to Samuel.
Sobs.
signed, jiasheng
Just something to keep my blog alive:
My mum and I, at Dhoby Ghaut Station. We stare at the woman in front of me, who is wearing a bare back piece. Like really bare.
Me: Whoa.
Mother: You know I can just touch her now and malign you.
Me: Whoa.
Woman turns around. Her breasts are ENORMOUS.
Me: *jaw drops* Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Mother: Mmmm.
My mother is a lesbian, I swear.
signed, jiasheng
Everyone's gone to Sabah. I'm feeling so utterly alone.
Actually, only 2 people I know well, erm, I mean, 1, but still.
Friday was interesting because I didn't sleep the whole night, worrying over the SC audition. So I baked cookies and gave out to people after flag-raising. I didn't even know why I was worried because I never wanted SC anyway, just went to run because (a) a lot of people want me to and (b) just for fun.
In the end, though I was super nervous, I just went up to try to make the band better. It sounds super diplomatic, but it's true. I must say the band is really not up to it, you can really hear it from the podium. Practice, guys*!
*By guys I especially mean Clarinets & Flutes at 2nd and 4th bar of [I], which I totally couldn't do because where are the running notes?!
Haha I must complain! Other people did 8 bars, and I did 10! And I did the last bit, so a lot of things to do. And usually people don't practice the last part, so all the flowery trills and semi-quavers are GONE. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.
Oh, and I really underestimated the time. I was a quarter way through my fixing (which was terrible) when Mr. Leng told me, "You have about 30 seconds more."
Like whoa.
I really think I did badly, but I tried my best. Congrats to Huiyao for getting it, you really deserve it, and Zhengyu and Walter, you guys did way better than me, I feel super small and bitchy now haha. I think we should compile our notes (if any) for Huiyao so he has more things to do xP
Ooh, good news, Qifannn and I has been upgraded from UM to BM! That's like BUM!
We're a pair of Bums. That's uber cool. Haha congrats. But together we shall work together to erm... what did someone say... oh yeah.. BRING THE BAND TO GREATER HEIGHTS.
Now the competition is concentrated on the DM. [sarcasm]Great. The competition is so close that I won't hold my breath. [/sarcasm]
Don't get me wrong okay. I wish to have a good working relationship with whoever gets the DM.
Actually I'm pretty numb about the BM part so I'll post something more throughout later.
***
Was super tired when I went home, and got awakened by my mum today at 7 to go extend my passport.
My eyes were bloodshot.
When we reached Lavender the ICA (Immigration and Checkpoints Authority) queue was so incredibly long. I think people stayed overnight to be first in the queue. It's incredible. The Hello Kitty queue wasn't even that long. I feel like an ant.
Anyway, we queued for like 30 minutes, and the actual procedure was 2 stamps on my passport. That took 10 seconds.
I was ravenous after that, because I didn't eat breakfast, so we went to Macs and had McGriddles. Then my mum was ambushed by a survey person and got asked random questions like "Is the bun too soft or too hard?" "How young are you?" that makes it sound like the McGriddles is also a makeshift dildo or something.
***
Went home at around 10 plus in the morning, and slept till...5.
Going to play Cabal, then bake cookies for Mother's Day. Ciao, belle.
signed, jiasheng
It'snotmyfaultmyinternetisdownI'mreallybusydon'tscoldme!
Really. My internet was down.
Anyway, 300th post! And I was supposed to fill you guys up, but nope, I suddenly have nothing to say.
Oh oh, running for SC is probably the worst thing I've ever done. I conduct like a chicken, and you know chickens don't conduct.
Wait. Maybe they do.
My point is, may the best SC win. (So I'm out and free.) Because after trying so hard to analyse scores and conduct in time has given me new respect for SC.
***
I'm not even going to rant about how my life is a leech. It sucks so much that I'm losing blood. (
Bad analogy, I know)
That's why I'm being crazy nowadays.
And my mum told me my bill is explosive. Been smsing too much for my own good. It's really not my fault, because if you have to sms 9 SLs, with a super long message so it's x4 messages, you can add it all up and see where my smses go.
Erm of course there's the other ones, but let's ignore that =)
***
I think having Mrs. Lai read my blog is getting annoying.
Firstly, I have to type 'Mrs. Lai'. I can't say things like 'Lai', 'Auntie Lai' or 'The Band Teacher With Rabbits And Dogs'.
Yes, I'm just calling her all these deliberately because she flashed her new phone at me. Just because she knew I was desperate for one.
How totally evil is that? It's like this dying person in the desert, then a helicopter lands there, then a person steps out and drinks some Evian water, throws the empty bottle at the dying man, then leaves by the helicopter.
***
I'm just going to embrace all the rumours.
(That just means I'm going to make Tee Zhuo, Sean and Zhengyu (who has just been named the Ultimate Bitchy Paparazzo, he deserves it fully) see my horny rapist side so much so that they are going to hide in their closets and whimper.)
My poor Junjun.
signed, jiasheng
This is going to be a post with lotsa random things.
I look way weird into photographs. That's what I think. I mean, I think I look okay, and I don't wince when I look into the mirror (unless there are zits, which is like right now), but when I look at photographs, rahhh! Why do I look like that?!
Maybe because those are all candid shots and candidly, I look really ugly. I've been living in a delusion all these while. I'm actually so intensely horrifying that people turn away from me and puke.
Yeah I don't like people photographing me, especially when I'm in a compromising position. But I like to do that to other people. So I guess it's a karma thing.
Speaking of compromising photos, Zhengyu is quickly rising up as a bitchy paparazzo. I'll never talk to him again.
***
Watched Ironman yesterday with a bunch of band people.
At first I was resistant to watching movies like that, because I just knew superhero movies won't be good. I mean, I've read almost all the Marvel comics and the best punchlines, action scenes and surprise twists are on paper. You can make Superman really fly (via CG) but there's a spirit in the comics that you can't imitate.
So I was ranting against them, "No, no! I don't want to watch the Ironic Man!"
And received stares in return.
We went to watch Ironman anyway. As usual, I forgot that I watch movies so rarely that I pretty much find all of them exciting. It wasn't that bad. I had fun throwing popcorn at Edwin.
***
Everyone's falling in love. This is unfair.
E has a crush on mysterious girl/guy/spiked hair gel
T has a crush on J
L has a crush on Ironman (seeing his determination to watch it)
Of course, I'm constantly in a situation which doesn't allow me to explain myself.
So that's fine.
I seriously think I've screwed up my lower sec life (omg I typed lower sex life just now). And the ghosts are coming back to haunt me.
My phone is dead, for some reason or another, so don't bother to sms/call/leave a message. It won't work. New phone, now!
signed, jiasheng
So after 23049238492384 random posts, I've decided to revert back to the more true, basic aspect of blogging and COMPLAIN ABOUT MY LIFE.
1) Contact lens
I know I shouldn't be complaining about this, because a certain someone I know is lamenting that she wants contact lens and can't get them, etc, etc, but really, they aren't as fabulous as commonly thought. For one, they get incredibly uncomfortable after a while, so by the end of the day you feel like they're going to pop out of your eyes any minute.
That said, it would be logical to put them on the later part of the day, right? And since I only use them on outdoor activities (or non-existent dates), usually I don't wear them in the morning.
Then comes along Tuesday. The P.E., plus outdoor prac day.
Putting on contacts in the morning is, to put it simply, courting ocular death. God, they feel horrible. It's like having a lizard squiggling in your eye for hours.
Too bad. Contact lens are pairs of necessary evils.
//edit: If one more person suggests Acuvue Moist, I am going to dig my eyeballs out and throw them at him/her. THEY ARE FRICKING EXPENSIVE.
2) I want a new phone.
Seriously.
I am sick of not being able to play games on my phone.
I am sick of having my phone die on me at noon.
I am sick of not being able to play any music.
I am sick of such a bulky phone.
I am sick of so many installed functions that I can't use (Java, Internet, MSN)
I am sick of lagging.
I am sick of SGH 300i. New one, now!
3) I am also sick of feeling lousy.
So if anyone knows a magic charm that gets rid of emoness, I am willing to visit Master Foo and drink soot water and dance around in my underwear.
4) I hate the rumours. Really. Really. Really.
Especially when people give me that look, and I don't know whether to ignore them, or go crazy and strangle them to bits. RAH! So this is how J, Q, T, L, K, S, and B must feel all the time. Have fun guessing who I'm talking about.
5) My allowance.
I'm living on scraps for the last few days of the month. I should just put a Paypal donation link on my blog so people can support me. (Makes me sound like a virtual prostitute. I should start posting my nude pictures.)
6) MY PARENTS ARE LEAVING ON HOLIDAY AND I'M STUCK WITH NBC CAMP!!!
Self-explanatory.
7) People, in general.
You people should:
(i) Treat Tee Zhuo better. (Since he's going to be, y'know, and he deserves a lot better than me.)
(ii) Stop giving me that, oei, give the two of them some space look. It's irritating. And Huiyao has nothing to do with it.
(iii) Stop losing your uniforms.
8) My life.
I'm super pathetic at everything. I'm almost giving up SC because I can't play Patapon properly. And someone is calling me fat. Hmph.
-terminates rant here-
signed, jiasheng
