blog/enigma

Thursday, February 28, 2008

8:43 PM

Because I just have to boast. Like ZOMG! Highest mark I've ever gotten for any compo, much less a test.

Though I don't think I deserve it. It's quite the dystopic essay, really.

C'mon. Let a depressed guy be at least happy for a while. You haven't seen his maths and ihc scores yet (and you never will).

***

Term 1 review! I think I've changed. Let me count thy ways:

1) I've become (I'm not proud to admit this) pretty fluent in vulgarities, if the situation calls for it.

2) I learnt the hardships of the modern student who actually studies. Like how the sleepless nights at Macs are totally not worth it.

3) I've discovered the utter pain and agony of missing the MSG mark by one test mark.

4) I'm totally more frequently extroverted.

5) I think I'm being more ~~superficial~~ in the sense that I realize some relationships are purely for gains and advantages. You can't deny that.

6) I fell in love with the beauty of stability. Like that has become my lifetime goal. For now.

7) I still think my life is a drama which is not scripted by me and all the actors are laughing at me backstage.

8) I'm now a firm believer in determinism.

9) I still like to adopt an escapist attitude. Or isolationist. Or separatist.

10) My drawing skills have improved. (Against popular opinion.)

***

I still can't get over Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. It's stuck in my head.

Yawn.

signed, jiasheng

7:52 PM

Don't highlight.

I am extremely depressed. Or I was extremely depressed. Until I ponned 3rdlang and slept it away.

Sleep is comforting.

I have things to do. Even if my dreams and hopes crash and fall. Even if my wings are battered and bruised. I can still walk. I can still be optimistic.

Even though some part of me doesn't want to. That part wants to find some corner and cry.

At how it's not fair.
At how hopeful I was.
At how I'm going to pick up the pieces and move on.

I can't believe this. I sound like my mother died. And I can't believe I can joke about it.

How serious do I want people to take me when I can't even view my own problems seriously?

Or is it just me? That I'll revert to being humourous about it and escape from the harsher facts of reality?

Milk. And a cookie. Dipped in chocolate. Comfort food.

I would need the strength. I have things to do.

signed, jiasheng

11:43 AM

I am in love. I knew it when I saw the movie trailer on the TV on 157. Who wants to watch this with me?

If you're a Catlim fan, you should watch it. If not, you should watch it so you'll get addicted.

C'mon! The music itself is worth it.

//MAJOR EDIT.

Damn. I've fallen out of love.

The perspicacious folks at Youtube pointed out the blatant plagiarism.

Still~

Maybe it's taken with permission. Maybe it's a remix. Maybe maybe maybe.I wanna watch it. I don't care.

I'm such a hopeless romantic.

signed, jiasheng

8:04 PM

Super tiring day. Outdoor in the morning. Rushing for piano and getting scolded (somewhat). Sleeping until 8 plus at night.

Recently I found my sec 1 thumbdrive. All the things inside - music I used to listen to; the flash animations I used to make. Word documents I used to type my feelings into.

It's nostalgic. I feel like I found a pocket of my past. I'm amazed at the flash stuff. I wonder how I could do these animations and still managed to fail IS for two consecutive years.

My sec 1 year was quite the emo part of my life.

Very emo.

Like, if you think I'm emo now, think qifan-APness plus qifann-emoness. (Lol.)

No offense to the latter.

It was a horrible part of my life which I'm not pleased to revisit. Same goes for the earlier part of last year.

I hope I'm grown up.

Just maybe.

signed, jiasheng

1:58 AM

I'm supposed to be studying chemistry now (why else would I be up at 2am in the morning) but heck, all the demanding subjects are gone and I'm over grieving them so I'm going to rant about it.

I screwed up. Really badly. Bye HP. Bye CSE. I'm not going to deny that I'm super disappointed, and I'm probably going to fail my maths or screw it up so badly that I'll never get my 1.5. But it's over. Okay.

I talked to SLIM for like 30 minutes, half asking him about HP and half offering my opinion on the stress in HP. Now, speaking to him personally, I got the feeling that he's a very adamant teacher. He's really a very interesting character. I won't say fabulous, but quirky (with all its meanings) enough. He's like a person straight out of a lit text.

He sounds very surprised about me wanting to join HP even after hearing about the stress and the complaints he have been getting this year. I could tell he's stressed over the students' stress. And he mentioned the word 'quality' so many times that I lost count. (And me losing count is a big thing. I like to keep track of word counts.)

Some of his ideals are twisted. In the SLIM way. His analogies ain't very effective either. I remember him looking at me straight in the eye and saying "Under me, nothing is impossible. Look at this fountain. Do you see any rooms with a fountain? No. I made it possible. You see that lamp? I told them that I want quality lamps. Not Ikea lamps. Look at the stand. Quality." (It's not very accurate word-for-word, but you get the gist.)

Yes, he is an interesting character to write about. But I shall not for now. (For fear of jeopardizing any minute chance that I have left of joining HP.)

And just to answer Zhengyu's potential question: No, he did not rape me and I didn't submit to him. We did not have sex. xP
***

On the other hand, 3P2 has another scandal. Well, not really scandal per se but just a prank. Which had reach PAG's ears. So. It's a scandal. With all the Europeanish effects.

Yes, it's the magnificent Samuel who has done it again. He reported about something offensive under his desk, if memory serves. (I was reading TIME when I noticed PAG shouting. I tried to shut him off, which was pretty easy if you considered the accent, but it was so very disruptive so I listened anyway. I whispered to Jia Wei, "What's he talking about?" then Jia Wei was like giving his shrug.)

Then after class they were talking about who did the thing that "offended" Samuel and the guys were like, "We thought it was you."

Like, what?

I must defend myself! It's so insulting. I admit, or even proclaim, that I dislike Samuel, but I'm not stupid or anti-Samuel enough to do these infantile things. Though I'm really really interested what was the "offensive thing".

I dislike Samuel for several reasons. First, I have a natural animus towards those who are intrinsically (yes it's spelt this way. Stop twisting words.) shallow. I can read him like a book, though it's so superficial that if I do my eyes will burn off. Second, like BD, I think I'm pro-gay but anti-Samuel. It's a ironic thing.

Iron(II) Oxide [metal oxide]: base

In my opinion, he's a gay in denial. Which is probably the worst type of them all. (Though I really don't know, since there isn't much comparison I could do)

BTW, feel free to quote me to report me, darling Sam. I can't wait for the challenge.

(I can't believe how paranoid and sarcastic I am in this post.)

***

Tagreplies!:

Samuel: self-condemnation doesnt discount the fact that u are condemned intrinsicallie o.O

>> Once again I have no idea what he's talking about.

qifannn: hmmm your eyes aren't virgin? mine too! hi-5! xD

>> Slutty eyes of the world unite! (Again it sounds wrong xP)

zy: uhm like why is gid passing u love notes? =\

>> Don't worry, I was being sarcastic. I'll show it to you when I can find it/ when I see you.

signed, jiasheng

9:18 PM

Today is the day where my eyes lost their virginity. I spent a good part of an hour poking them with pieces of plastic (though wikipedia calls it hydrogel).

IT WAS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE.

But I got used to it. After I cried my tears dry.

Anyway, don't expect to see me specs-less. I got daily lenses. I'm just going to wear them to outdoor practices and dates. (Though the latter one does not apply.) (Boohoo.)

***

On a side note, I realize I'm a horrible conductor. So Huiyao, you can go take the post.

Gideon, please stop passing me love notes. I love you too.

signed, jiasheng

11:26 PM

//EDIT: do not read this postprandially

Dear readers of badluckmagnet.blogspot.com,

BRYAN KOR'S LINK OF http://www.byzantinebrain.blogspot.com/ IS FIXED. If it's not I'm not gonna care. I have the divine right of kings to offer a broken link on my blog. Shoo.

Signed,
Jiasheng

***

Because, like, how irritating is that? You think I like to have spoiled links?

***

Anyway, now I'm in a more than bitchy mood because I just realized I'm a slut and I suffer from
syphilis because of the stupid lip sore which I am so self-conscious of.

~~MY LIPS ARE ROTTING OFF AHHHHHH!~~

I don't deserve this. The pestiferous Syphilis Fairy transmitted it to me.

Omg, no, I did not have sex with an imaginary creature. But I really feel like a Thai prostitute who have gotten herself/himself/thirdsexself infected by, I don't know, fellatio.

Hmmmm. Which means I can't possibly be infected.

Because I don't do this sort of things.

Anymore.

(Oops.)

***

Okay back to homework rushing out time. Ciao.

signed, jiasheng

2:43 PM

Double posting just to make up for it

What Lin Jiasheng Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Moral: Never believe in online personality quizzes.
***

Tagreplies:

Bryan: HEY! is ur last link supposed to link me? if not fix that link or link me! yay thanks
>>I'm so embarrassed to reply.

qiqi: tsktsktsk. m18 and desperados dont exactly match do they? hmm. xD
>>You haven't seen the other pictures.

Yao Nian: Happy New Year. Only piece of good news is that you no longer share the same blogskin with Sean. he changed it.
>>I'm optimistic and I say more good news are on the way =)

jovina: hello mans! haha sorry for not going back on cny>.< will make it up to you in march: D and dont be so despo yeah;)
>>They tried to call me a despo! No, no no.

zy: wow. im such a fickle blogger xP blog! (:
>>Glad you noticed.

signed, jiasheng

1:46 PM

I really shouldn't be blogging now because next week is test week so..
why am I doing here?

But anyway. It've been a long time since I blogged so I guess I'll update a bit.

1) Band performance (V Day - dateless)

Sucked. Okayly. But 35 bucks gone for the tie. Had fun with niaoing bf though. Gomenasai~

2) I bought new shoes. Not loving them, but they're okay. And my mum paid for it.

3) Trying out contact lens (italics because I spent half my energy this week trying to persuade my mum that I'm so hygienic (lying through my teeth, of course) because she's convinced that my eyes will rot off once my accursed hands infect the lenses.

4) Speaking of lens, PHYSICS TEST! AND MATHS TEST! AND CHEM! AND IHC! AND IHE! AND whatever subject I forgot. And I haven't studied! AHHHHH! I NEED MY 1.5!

5) But I got a couple good news back =) IHC essay assignment 7/8. IHE assignment 24/25. Like zomg model essay. I'm so proud of myself but urgh I'll never do it during the test.

6) Hwachong celebrated Vday with.... A FIRE DRILL. (Hot.)

(They disabled the official video emb. =()

(Jap version)(yes zomg I just found out too)
I was like, what? I heard 'kanji'. Kanji baby. Oh man. (Yes I know 感じ)

(Mandarin version)

(Love is in the air!)

7) I was super pissed off yesterday because my lip had a sore from playing too hard and I can't play during practice and I can't march because STUPID QIFAN LEFT AND I HAVE TO TAKE HIS SPOT GO TO HELL. I was muttering profanities all the way. Sorry to whatever people who was affected xP

I feel like writing a strong letter to him.

8) Okay so it's mug weekend! After I get my contacts today then I'll study and go to the library (if weiqi is going) to study tomorrow! Yay.

signed, jiasheng

12:22 AM

My mood now is swinging about the random meter. I'm thinking about useless things. Like:

Why do we have so many names for the red piece of paper with money inside?

We call it:
1) Ang Bao
2) Hong Bao
3) Red packet
4) Red piece of paper with money inside

Is there a scientific name for it? What do they call it in Taiwan (or China? Or in Germany?) Do the Malays have another name for their green counterpart?

Speaking of Malays, I went cycling the other day and I found that Malays and Indians and Caucasians have taken over Singapore. (And I will not claim myself not to be racist. Too trite.)

Went over to various relatives' house for the Chinese Children's Tax Collection. Watched I Do I Do (which is so sappy I can't help but cry) and mused about something. Then drew stuff and let my tiny cousins (from pre-school to p3) vandalize my sketchbook. I was frantically preventing them from seeing all the M18 sketches I've made xP

Me: You can only draw on this page, understand? Don't flip to the others.

I AM NOT DESPERATE I AM NOT DESPERATE I AM NOT DESPERATE.

Don't ask me to interpret.

My Eeyore became a model. Palmistry, anyone?

The various girls for my cartoon valentine boy. Luckily I have better taste.

Well that's all! I can't upload my phone photos because the cable's gone.

(Sorry Rebecca for randoming you off. Good night.)

signed, jiasheng

8:03 PM

Things I hate during Chinese New Year Eve:

1) Being kicked and slammed into the ground by Idiott.

2) Voyeuristic seniors peeking into the diamond glass window with their older girlfriends whom they might have impregnated.

3) The Chinese New Year concert

4) Taking 157 to go back to pcps, sitting around with one ex-classmate that I don't really know that well, striking random conversation.

5) Going to pcps and not being able to find people (ALL THE GIRLS HAVE DISAPPEARED)

6) Standing around awkwardly while Mrs. Lim made small talk.

7) Not seeing Xie Lao Shi and make sizist jokes.

8) Seeing the AhBengalization complete within a year of mainstream secondary schooling.

9) Wandering the school compound with no one to talk to.

10) Not being able to blog about anything.

signed, jiasheng

5:03 AM

Literature Assignment-Stand Alone

In the stories My cousin Tim, Drive and Her Dreams, Simon Tay uses the element of everyday issues to portray uniquely Singaporeans issues: In My cousin Tim, two boys' intertwined lives through change, maturity and the pursuing of dreams; Drive, an ambitious man's feud with a stranger on a social level, powered not by physical events, but by prejudices and the greater force of the differentiating social classes; and Her Dreams, a woman's internal struggles for her dreams and her unconscious submission to her husband's manipulation.

One of the major traits that is evident in the stories is the conflict between the psyche and the materialistic world. Singapore, a meritocratic nation, has bred itself a notable materialistic culture in which its citizens lounges themselves into. In My cousin Tim, the narrator Eddie is brought up in a typical family with high parental expectations to follow a dictated life of which decisions are made by his parents. His education and subsequently are affected by his parents' bidding and in the traditional, Asian and conservative environment, his life revolved around gaining respectable status and wealth. He is groomed to be at least competent in life. His cousin, Tim is brought up the same way - they share a childhood like brothers. However, there is an critical and significant difference between them which separates them into opposing sides of the coin. Eddie, with his NS obligations, stayed back while Tim flew into the distant lands of overseas education. Eddie continued with his submissive lifestyle, of listening to his parents and conforming to their expectations. Tim, however, had a fresh freedom granted to him. There were no constraints nor curfews to halt his explorations of the world. Tim began to embrace the changes of life and gained the courage to have dreams of his own and to pursue them. While Eddie went on to build a structured and stable life, Tim found himself going with the flow of unpredictability. When Tim learned of Eddie's material success in life, he reflected and did not feel it necessary to feel jealous. He felt that he did not need to feel controlled by his father and do his father's wishes, or not doing what his father objected to. By breaking away from this sort of anarchy, Tim has truly transcended from conformism. Tim and Eddie serve as a juxtaposition of characters: Eddie is the epitome of a typical 'good' person; a fillial son; a dutiful husband and father. Tim, on the other hand, is the unconstrained individualist who lives for himself and seeks the intangible things in life. In other words, with Paved with Good Intentions the article's definition, Eddie is the Planner and Tim is the Dreamer.

Another example that can be found would be Jackie and Sam in Her Dreams. Jackie had been an air-stewardess, whose lifestyle involves flying around the world in exciting trips. However, she was unhappy in her life, perhaps reflected in her dreams. Jackie felt isolated from her crewmates and cried when she was confronted with her old, true self. As a stereotyped career, air-stewardesses are associated with a shallow appearance and superficial characters. When Sam interpreted Jackie's first dream, he suggested that Jackie was spiritually detached from her job and she did not enjoy her current situation. This led to the couple's relationship and eventually marriage. Everything was set - a marriage, financial stability and a good life. However, it did not seemed as if Jackie was happy, as again shown through her second dream. She spoke of insecurity in a secure life. It turned out that when Jackie broke away from her job, she still did not find what she pursued truly, and was simply collapsing into a comfortable lifestyle which was no closer to her interests and orientations in life. Though Jackie did not know it outright, the truth was speaking to her in her unconsciousness, which Sam understood. However, Sam did not tell Jackie his interpretation, because he knew that he was the reason for Jackie's unhappiness. Jackie was not depressed, per se, but she wasn't completely happy. She did not know the exact reason of her unhappiness, but Sam was certain one day she would. Thus he coaxed her into a reasonable scenario which he hoped she could identify with and agree to. This shows a strong repression of dreams and desires, by an external factor (Sam, in this case) which moderates and censors undesirables. Sam controls the interpretive knowledge to manipulate Jackie's decisions and directions in life and uses it to his advantage. He moulds Jackie's life because he feels that was what should matter in life. He wanted Jackie to conform to the life he had built for them, and thus forming a painful irony of control because he himself mentioned of an unspeakable agony of being a follower of his parents' instructions. In this case, the materialistic world has taken over the psyche, the part of Singaporeans which yearn for the chase of dreams, shaping it independently and perhaps even eliminating it.

The next trait would be competitiveness. This is one characteristic that is definitive of Singaporeans, especially evident among the 'elite' circles. In Drive, the unnamed main character is a white-collar worker, at the prime of his career with promises of promotions. He is career-driven, works long hours and is probably high-salaried. He has the qualifications - being a university graduate - and fits into the image of the so-called elite in whichever field he is in. Early in the story, the protagonist's friend relates about a staring incident in which a man was killed over fish-head curry. Such an absurdity perhaps illuminates about Singapore's fast-paced society with its impulsive denizens. The frenetic and rash streak in Singaporeans has spilled over to the other aspects of life other than work, and that caused pettiness and a dangerous over-competitiveness. This characteristic ties with the innate strive of Singaporeans to do well materially and has links with the Singapore Plan. Also in the story, the protagonist broods over his encounter with the RX-7 driver. He is nearly obsessed with getting even and races with the RX-7 on the second time to prove his worth. This further shows competitiveness and also highlights the next point of social stratification.

Singapore has a noteworthy class system despite equality claims by the people and government. In a country where careers are knowledge-based, the differing intelligence and capability of the people comes into consideration. In the story Drive, a strong co-relation of social status and cars has been established. The main character drives a BMW, which indicates a person of high social status, without the burden of familial constraints. The antagonist drives an RX-7, a sports car. Another sub-character has a Toyota, which suggests a lower social status. When the protagonist got his car scratched, he immediately suspects the RX-7 driver based on presumptions of social class. The protagonist is naive and simplistic in his assumptions as he is prejudiced. He is superficial to think that social class is an accurate gauge on a person's character and actions. The same applies for the Toyota driver who was assumed to be innocent because a Toyota suggests a mild-mannered person without malicious motives. This is a fundamental attribution error and such a style of thought is therefore fallacious. When Lizzie remarks that "They're from a different world", it also shows the isolationist outlook elites like herself have. Lizzie understand and shows that there is a difference between the social classes and their conflicts between different classes. She separates her class from other classes to show the divergent nature of classes. This is a striking example of social stratification because speaking as one of the elites, Lizzie feels that they have "different values". This might also show some form of elitism because Lizzie feels herself to be socially more appropriate than say, those who kill over a staring incident. In the article Elite Without Elitism, the writer discusses the need for elites without having elitism stray them. As with Drive, there has already been hints of elitism - the protagonist's outrage at having his car scratched; Lizzie's relevations.

The three stories have shed light on various features that are unique to Singapore not because they tell the stories of Singaporeans, but because they place Singaporeans in situations that would allow their Singaporean traits to reveal themselves through the opaque bodies of Singaporeans. It is important to note that while the stories often carry characters to the extreme, they are definitely evident in reality and offers opportunities for self-reflection.

signed, jiasheng

11:40 AM

The time now is 11.40.

Y'know, there's something creepy about 12pm on Sundays. It's like a milestone telling you, hey, half your Sunday is gone! You can't procrastinate so much now!

I'm copying all the band music Edwin gave to me to my computer. All 1.62G of it. It's killing my computer memory, but who cares. I'm feeling patriotic.

Yesterday was a blast studying~~/laughing at Mario Sex videos~~ with Bo Dong and Wei Qi at Woodlands Library. Not productive per se, but oh well.

K I've got 2 weeks' worth of songs to listen to and homework to do and all the overdue work I want to finish. And I have 12 hours to finish it. Less.

The time now is 12pm.

(Yeah, I can't believe I type so slowly too.)

signed, jiasheng