I didn't spend my time doing homework, like I should. I retraced my steps.

Wednesday, 16th April 2008

This morning when I stepped into the band room, I knew something was wrong. Something about a group of juniors and batchmates sitting on the floor, listening to Sean and Huiyao preach about something.

Then Huiyao said, "Jiasheng, yesterday you and Liang Jun.." and I knew. I looked at Sean. I knew.

I spent the whole day brooding over it. Half the time I was angry at Sean, because how could he gossip some big and scandalous affair about me and his own section leader? (By the way, Sean doesn't look like it, but he's the bitchiest of the lot. He gossips about everything. I think it's influence from Huiyao. No offense to either of them.) 

The other half I was worried about Liang Jun, because he's a good person and gossips in the band tend to go out of hand (I mean, Tee Zhuo is now a grandmother which me as his French maid and we have lesbian sex every night.)

Then I gave it a lot of thought and decided to let it go. I bitch and gossip about other people too. Why can't people derive some sick twisted fun (like I do) from making fun of me? It never feels good when you're at the receiving end of a joke, but they mean no harm. In fact, I think people should thank me from distracting the general populous from their own real scandalous affairs.

Right now, I'm just too embarrassed to go talk to Liang Jun anymore.

***

I think the line from 'Half a Soldier' by Alfian Sa'at is cool:

Sniffed in the intimate musk of stars.

And it is a terrible irony that I found solace in Alfian Sa'at's blog after all that have happened.

I find his poetry possessing a sensitive, fragile quality, as though if I read it aloud, it would shatter and fade. I could only read it in my head, slowly, carefully, breaking down his sometimes complex prose into individual words of beauty.

I haven't typed like this for a long while.

What an amazing person, I thought to myself.

I didn't do any work. But I can now. Because I think I got over it.