blog/enigma

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

10:20 PM

Alright! Since Jiasheng had met with the ultimate obstacle (a writer's block. Or how I like it: a blogger's block.) after spending all his creative juices (gosh it sounds wrong) on his English term test (comprising of a really obvious self-promoting question involving students from Hwa Chong Institution catching a snatch-thief who, erms, snatched a little girl's mobile phone. Which brings us to the point of why the school is so darn proud of its 5 nurtured gentlemen who called the police after some petty thief snatched some lass's handphone. And why the thief is so cheap to snatch a little girl's cell phone. Karma, karma. Watch out thief.) and writing a-sure-to-be-controversial-
essay-involving-an-atheist-detective-catching-a-mafia-drug-dealer-whose-alter-ego-is-Father-
Jones-a-priest.
Yes. Another one of Jiasheng's elaborate plots. And his desperate attempts to squeeze a thriller into a 450-word narrative essay.
Hmmmm. Didn't he say he had a writer's block? Well. Alright. I give up. I actually can elaborate quite a bit on the term test today but I just have to find an excuse to find some blogspace for someone I've been thinking for a longlonglong time and had stopped thinking about but recently I've settled on my nerves and therefore can finally can consider this situation with a clear head and subdued emotions.
Yep: I'm blogging about Luther!
Actually, I'm in a curious situation here.Whenever I mention him, I'll be in a state of:
1) Puzzlement (90%)
2) Resentment (5%)
3) Grief (3%)
4) Anger (2%)
Wow. Psychology in statistics.
But seriously, I'm always confused when I see him. I really have no idea why he seems to hate me that much. To the extent of ignoring my every move and word that it's wounding. And thus the resentment.
I don't know. I try my best not to lament and not to laugh out bitterly when his nice juniors tell me, "Luther is such a nice guy," or "Luther shao is my favourite senior," but I just can't shake the feeling. Luther hates me to the core. And I don't know why.
Well, perhaps it's not hatred. Just a tendency to avoidance. And as I like to quote from Dumbledore a lot, being coldly distant tend to do more damage than outright loathing.
It's lucky that now I'm in a comparatively upbeat mood- or else I know that I'll be pondering off to emoness again.
I reviewed our old conversations on MSN, and I realized there was a time that he didn't seem to hate me that much. He even told me jiayou, gosh! I would have never remembered this if I've not checked the archives. It just seems so impossible for him to even speak with me without an official reason. Every time I speak to him it's either about uniforms or band practice schedules or some weird band stuff. And I've given up on trying to be friendly. After all, it's just emoing on my part and jeering me to his friends on his part.
I found that my brother had borrowed a book, Artemis Fowl- The Eternity Code. Usually I'm no fan, but I suddenly recall some far-off memory, basically one pertaining to an MSN conversation with Luther with him commenting that I somehow remind him of Artemis Fowl.
(Of course, then I did a quick search and figured that he was referring to me having Asperger's Syndrome or something) but still I grabbed the book and read.
I like Artemis Fowl. And that's great, because usually I hate the people who I think resembles me. Yeah. I'm no Fowl, but I know why Luther gets the feeling.
Well, no bother trying to explain. He probably has a different perception now.
But I'm also confused over how I should treat him. Speaking on a general basis, a guy who does that to me would find himself getting hell. I'm an extremely nasty guy as some would attest. But he's my band major, for anyone's sake. Why should I hate him and exhaust myself?
I'm too tired to do this kind of childish act, I realize. I just want to be friends.
That simple? Yeah. I just want him not to stiffen whenever I step into his radius. Then walk away.
Hell, I'm not a freaking same pole. You're not that repulsive.
And I shouldn't be too.

signed, jiasheng

19th Sept
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