blog/enigma

Monday, July 30, 2007

12:47 AM

Whenever I'm thinking the worse possible thing had happened to me, somehow the God of Bad Luck will always happen to drop by and prove me wrong.
Some things just pile up at an exponential rate to the extent that one just crumbles under the overwhelming sight of it all. And when it comes to the procrastinator's view, he/she simply has to think of it to induce severe trauma and vomit and die on the streets.
Thank god I'm a professional procrastinator. I don't think of it until it happens.
Still I'm lamenting because I cannot comprehend how I got to be so busy with so little recognition and practically no gain. Not that I'm actually desperate for fame (hey, you're talking to an infamous guy here), but sometimes I wonder why these things just stick to me. I'm currently working as a free guy for the uniform stuff for band (which is one major contribution to my chance of not living beyond 30) because officially, I am not the uniform officer. Nope, you see me flitting around the uniform room, you blame me for uniform stuff, but if you do have the free time to ask, I don't hold a post. Firstly, there has never been a sec. 2 in the EXCO because... it's unprecedented. I don't plan to break that tradition. Of course, assistant posts are hardly considered as a place in the EXCO, but Uniforms officers have so much things to do that they don't have assistants. They simply have two. And if I do have the courage to say, I believe the things I do exceed that of the other.
I'm not trying to blow this matter up, but I feel a twinge of unjust whenever Liu Zhen calls me to work. He recognizes me as the uniform officer when things need to be done. Otherwise, I'm practically barred from EXCO meetings. Seriously, I've tried to participate, but people just tell me to go home.
Of course, on hindsight I laugh a lot a this matter, simply because the things they discuss at EXCO meetings are insipid and always, I repeat, always result in either groupthink or heated arguments with majors using bad sarcasm on people who don't turn up for school practice but run off to other bands instead. Thus, EXCO meetings are perennially counterproductive.
That's precisely the reason why I've given up a lot on the band. At first I actually felt guilty over it, because of the promise I had with Jiehan that I would restore the band back to its former glory. I would reshape a band that the seniors would be proud of. I would, I would, I would.
Then I found out about how passion can be so easily crushed by other commitments and a constant drag. I found out that band to me was a practice to be sometimes looked forward to, sometimes loathed. And how politics once again destroyed my dreams and hopes for the band.
And when Jiehan told me to relax and take life easy, I almost breathed a sigh of relief.
Maybe that's a message I want to send out to the leaders- or future leaders. I am not happy in band.
Please have the common decency to at least take it as a professional insult.

signed, jiasheng

19th Sept
hci
band/euphonium
doodler
blogger

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