blog/enigma

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

10:58 PM

Today is a very disturbing day.
I woke up remembering what someone had said yesterday, and what I've done, and felt the following conflux of emotions:
1) Angry at him being so ignorant
2) Angry at myself for not proving myself
3) Angry at myself for doing something I shouldn't
4) Disillusioned by moral and ethical issues
5) Determined to do something.
(You know, I could have arranged it to form ADADA, but it doesn't make sense. Like you don't go to someone and say, "Hi, I'm feeling ADADA-ish today,")
Well, I am in fact quite confused of what I should do, and what I want to do. I've been asking myself this question all morning when I got here, walking around HCI campus, and I can't get an answer. If I do what I should do, I'll end up like a normal mugger and stay as the same good little boy who's every teachers' pet. If I follow my wishes, things could be way different. But shouldn't we pursue our dreams and ideals? Are we supposed to become mindless smart zombies manufactured here?
And after I've solved that dilemma, I have to think how task-driven I have to be. I know myself to be an extremely task-oriented person - once I want something done, I want it to be done as quickly and well-done as possible. And I can say that I use the lowest of tactics and meanest of attitude to get things efficiently done.
I think I'm using my talents for the wrong things.
Of course, I'll be the first person to tell you I'm not as nice as I appear to be. Every year, I make millions of enemies out of poor innocent citizens. In fact, if there's a list of bad guys, I'm in the range of rapists and murderers to say the least.
Wait. I don't rape or murder people, if you thought that.
Anyway, I was being depressed in the morning (I hate to admit it, but I was also sort of continuing my act) and I asked Huiyao and Zhengyu,
"Should emotional baggage be allowed to hamper personal goals?"
Zhengyu said yes. Huiyao gave me a blank look and said he didn't know what I was talking about.
L was there this morning.
I had double maths, which totally irks me because the syllabus are starting to get difficult. I got back my first assignment. B.
Not too bad. Considering the fact that I'm the HCI Technical Idiot, that is.
Anyway, assembly was another useless struggle between deciding to sleep and risk getting caught, or deciding to stay awake and risk getting into a comatose state due to extended boredom exposure. (Is there a difference?)
Clarinda Choh contradicts herself. She rectified our oratorical prowess (not that I heard any) and told us not to commit unnecessary redundancies (she did admit at this mistake, but still) and phrases like "as I've mentioned", "as I've said," and other similar phrases should not be used as it suggests stupidity of the listener and their short attention span.
Immediately after she said that, she remarked, "Like I've said, you people should reduce these unnecessary redundancies," (which marks two 'errors' she pointed out)
Speaking of the stupidity of certain listeners, Steven Su certainly qualifies as one. In fact, in my mean words, "He's as stupid as he looks,"
And the hilarious thing was one of his own colleagues bombarded him a query and he couldn't answer and he had to ask repeatedly what was the question.
And his lame excuse was he was new at this topic and therefore is unfamiliar with actual proceedings.
Note-to-self: To avoid such situations happening to myself, I shall over-prepare every time I do a presentation.
I think I shall skip the I.S. lesson in order to maintain the interesting qualities of this blog. In the interest of my readers, I shall not bore you into a irreversible state of cerebral deficiency.
I think the highlight of the day was more of after school. Remember when I said I'm depressed? Well. After school I'm not. I went to the band room, only to find someone had locked it. Bu Fan and Lionel said the SALT centre's locked too. So we can't access the instruments.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Anyway, I didn't know what came over myself. I became very randomistic today. When Jie Xuan, Zhengyu, Keith and I was walking back from poolside, I just said hi to everyone. And there were a group of girls in front of us, I just said 'hi!'
And they 'hied' back. And we said bye later. That was very cute of them. As in, when a chorus of people say 'bye', especially girls, it's very cute.
Really. And I'm not even going into their appearance yet. *Grins*
Oh one more thing. That gang I mentioned just now, I found out that they are extremely shy, and that includes Jie Xuan. That indeed surprised me, because I always thought Jie Xuan was like my exact opposite - the introvert/cynic/niaoer versus the extrovert/optimist/grinner. And the introvert refers to my normal self, by the way. Really, when I said hi, Jie Xuan and the rest of them were like running away and disassociating me from them. When I caught up, Jie Xuan's face was like red. And imagine his tanned face reddening. It's like his brother drinking cocktail.
Anyway, that would probably prove that he's straight. (I always had some doubt.) Along with the rest of them (Oh no that means I'm gay right?) *panics and dies*
This 'say hi to every random person you meet' campaign continued to include Year 1 to 4s, teachers, NY, MG, boarding school, SJC, HJC, cleaning workers, parents, et cetera et cetera.
Most of the response I got was plain denial. Others include:
1) Sincere hi-back
2) Insincere 'yeah, hi, how are you, go and die,"
3) Middle finger and vulgarities.
4) Sincere smile
5) Cute chorusy hi-s
6) Embarrassed wave
7) 'I-do-not-know-you-and-I-do-not-know-why-you're-not-locked-up-and-bound-by-chains' look
And every time I say hi my gang just ducks away like I'm a freak of a nature.
Well, it's basic courtesy isn't it!
I hate this. It's like everyone is so isolated from each other.
And Zhengyu keeps pulling me back and asking me if there's something wrong with me today. There isn't. Just that I planned my suicide and I'm saying hi to everyone I know before I die, I make at least an impression. Now where's that penknife...?
Anyway, we saw this sec.4/JC person who looks a lot like Jie Xuan. Jie Xuan claims that he looks exactly like him, but I just saw his specs, so I thought it was just that single resemblance.
Anyway. You people keep a lookout for a person who looks like Jie Xuan okay? With his distinct white and black specs. Several theories on this:
1) Jie Xuan saw his future self.
2) Jie Xuan saw his biological dad.
3) Jie Xuan saw wrongly.
I've read Jie Xuan's blog. He said that it's probably the best day of the year yet. It's only 16/1/07... you have a long way to go...
Still. I had fun too.
You know those fantasy novels where you discover a once-in-a-lifetime portal to some unknown universe and you have to get out as soon as possible and when you do, and as you watch the portal disappear, a sense of forlornness overwhelms you?
Well. Take it that Jiasheng probably wouldn't be so random again.
Other random things I've done:
1) Found a rock and painted it with my name on one side, and 'vermin repeller' on the other. It's supposed to be medieval namecard.
2) Attracted a bunch of kois in the pond.
3) Wrote "I AM DAOED" on my arm.
4) Talking trash
Oh yes, Keith sent something to Crystal on my phone. Thereby resulting in Jie Xuan's constant niaoing.
Ah. The vicissitudes of HCI life.
(That was just for making you guys zibei xD)

signed, jiasheng