blog/enigma

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

10:49 PM

Random senior>>
Firstly, thanks for reading through.
I would also like to have say something here. I've seen your message and I think I'm obliged to explain the situation further, since a person of his caliber is likely to speak his own point of view.
Still, I thank you for tolerating what he has complained and in overall, trying to improve the situation.

1)Being fed-up with him.
I've gone off that stage. I had realized it's useless trying to convince myself that he was actually a good senior. After that incident, it was almost like a fact of life. It erased all hope from me that he had been a good leader. What fool I was to think that he's actually doing it purely out of passion?
Does being fed-up give him the authority to disregard basic respect for another person? Does it forfeit the ability to think clearly? More importantly, does it warrant a lack of control on his part?
It simply goes to show what he really is.

2)Appreciating his help
I did not put off all his efforts for the band. But after the episode, I have a nagging suspicion he's just doing it on orders. It would be much easier for him to just leave his duties - judging from his behavior.

3)Being fair
There's no such thing anymore, don't you realize? Fairness is for naive folks who forget the presence of scheming people and the unpredictability of life.

4)Repulsive behavior
It's true. To me at least. I reckon what people do when they are caught off guard is their true behavior. Behavior is not grinning sickly in front of band teachers and scolding them on a bus with your juniors afterwards - it's what you reveal when you think no one is looking that counts. I don't know about you, but isn't true character showed not only in times of crisis, but every hour of the day? I just read through my conversation with him again, and still I found it disappointing. He talked as though he was laboring, doing forced work. I don't understand it at all, especially from someone who I previously respected a lot and were one of the leading factors to me loving the band. So was it all an act, a farce? Was I blindly following someone who is unsure of his loyalties?
Now I even doubt my own commitment. And, alongside, sanity.
A simple incident can cast light on many issues.

And that's about it. I'm disappointed. And admittedly, a little confused over the entire situation, feeling sometimes I'm the only sane person in the time of chaos, or the other way round, the idiot whom everyone mocks.

signed, jiasheng

19th Sept
hci
band/euphonium
doodler
blogger

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