blog/enigma

Sunday, October 29, 2006

12:31 AM

I've just returned from the concert. No, don't ask me how was it, as to say the truth, I wasn't really paying attention. The music had no effect on my mind, and my ears sealed the entrance and refused to admit anyone.
Even after the concert, I was thinking hard. About a lot of things. About how I could convince Liu Zhen that I'm not against him. Or how to tell Zhenyang that I'm not trying to make his life miserable. And I'm not trying to make Sean look bad on my blog.
And even as I type, I have to think how the different people would react. Should I omit this, or add a nice word in? Why don't I write all about your personality and strengths?
I'm starting to feel tired of being such a nice person. Many people might scoff at that sentence. Nice person? Jiasheng was never nice. He was mean, insensitive and plain annoying.
I thought hard at that. As I strolled along the sidewalk between the school and the road, with the cars whizzing past my gaze, I pondered. I heard the low 'vroom' noise every time a vehicle zoomed past me. I saw the blinding headlights. I noticed every grain of sand on the pavement.
Yet I couldn't arrive at an answer.
I know that I'm trying my very best not to be too blunt with my words. I recall a time when everyone showed their emotions blatantly and no one had to be trapped in a vortex of hidden feelings, lies and deception.
I didn't have to guess if anyone was secretly furious, or being jealous at heart. I could depend on facial expressions. If there's a smile, happiness is sure to be present. If a frown is there, I would probably leave the person alone.
Now, I don't really know. The only way I would probably have a clue was reading someone's blog and guess from all the sarcasm and cryptic under-lying meanings.
I think I need a timeout. I don't think I can cope.
A recharge is all I need. I want a day without having to worry myself if I'm hurting anyone. Believe me, I do care if I am.
Just not now.
I'll try my best to be back soon, but if anyone cares at all, I would be isolated now till I find answers to a million questions buzzing around my head.

signed, jiasheng

19th Sept
hci
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